


Remember what you are staring at is me

by Honigrahm



Category: Corey Taylor - Fandom, Music - Fandom, Slipknot, Stone Sour, metal - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Love, fangirling, romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-28 07:06:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 37,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5082346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honigrahm/pseuds/Honigrahm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>__________________________________ <br/>Do you know how it feels... <br/>... to work full time in a little diner in the middle of nowhere, for a rude boss and without time to make real friends?<br/> ... to have a life that had never been easy and where nothing seems to get better? <br/>... to live with a brother who is drinking way too much and likes to beat the crap out of you? <br/>Well, Kaelyn Walker does know how all of those things feel. <br/>But what if out of all sudden you meet one of your biggest idols and can't help yourself but let him rescue you? <br/>You want to trust him, but how can you ever know if he really means it? <br/>You have to find out the hard way... because this time you can't just hide. <br/>___________________________</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Fanfiction in english so please don't be too hard with grammar mistakes and stuff xD  
> Uhm. Enjoy?  
> Cheers x  
> ___________________________

How do you feel? That is the question  
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer  
When something like a soul becomes initialized  
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes  
You can't expect a bit of hope  
So while you're outside looking in  
Describing what you see  
Remember what you're staring at is me

\- Through Glass (Stone Sour)

_________________________

"Hey, Kaelyn? How do I look?"

I turned around in the small office, just to see one of my friends, Lia, spin around herself to present the new outfit. Well, outfit isn't right. It was just her new working clothes she was in - she was suddenly promoted after our old manager quit his job out of all sudden. Though I was a bit jealous I was delighted for Lia, she deserved it somehow. Of course - I could have done this job, too, but my employer didn't like me that much. Maybe that was because, in fact, she is wearing such a low-cut neckline. At least it would explain why she's getting everything from him while I am just getting his attention after I'm doing something wrong. He was a total douchebag and I wasn't able to stand up against it because I was scared to lose my job. Whatsoever - I was payed well enough. And me and my brother, whom I was living with, needed every cent we could get, so I had to deal with it. I thought of all the kids that quit their jobs here after a week. They had no backbone. But I do have one.

"Looks great. The new color fits your skin!" I joked and made her laugh.

"Shut up, girl," she flipped my side and placed a hot, steaming coffee in front me.

"For me?" I asked and she nodded.

"Sure. I didn't know how to thank you. After all, I got this job just because of you and never really thanked you for it. I know a damn coffee will never be enough to make this up, but I thought it might be a start."

I looked at her seriously before I started grinning. Yes, she might have gotten this job thanks to my pleading to the boss, but it was her who worked hard enough to stay.

"Aight, jerk."

She laughed again before she turned on her heels and went into the lobby's direction.

"Break is over. See you in five, Kay," she exclaimed and I called a "sure" after her.

I then leaned against the small kitchen unit that framed the sink and took my coffee. It was winter and freaking cold outside, New Year just went by so the diner was ruled by that post-Christmas-atmosphere you can feel everywhere in January. While watching the snow falling through the diner's window, I grabbed my jacket and decided to smoke outside. I know that it isn't healthy and all, but I just liked it and it helped me to get through my shifts. With my coffee still steaming in my left, a cigarette in my right hand, I ended up in the cold white and inhaled deep breaths of nicotine. The diner wasn't open yet, but soon it would be. I had to hurry up. Taking big sips of the hot, brown gold, I finished my cig and went back inside when I saw the first customers drive onto the parking lots. I took a look at my clock. 5:30 AM, the diner would open in about half an hour. Plenty of time, actually, but I had to check all the tables to see if they were cleaned up and set. I hopefully glanced into the kitchen to spy if our cook Danny had already arrived. He was always late and I grew tired of finding excuses for our guests. Asking myself why he wasn't fired yet (well, no other cook wants to work in a small diner on minimum wage if he might deserve better) I joined Lia, who was already checking everything and brewing some coffee.  
I sighed, not knowing what to do but not willing to get trouble by just standing around like a silly again, so I ended up running alongside my new manager uncomfortably. I worked as a waitress in here and my shift would be the same as always: from the early morning until the late evening it would be on me to take orders, bring food and drinks, argue with guests about the bill and prove over and over that I could handle all this shit. And that's, for god's sake, for minimum wage, as I said before.  
But, as always, when those thoughts crossed my mind, I reminded myself on how well I was actually doing. I mean, I had got an appartment - with my brother, though - in which I had a more or less filled fridge and a comfy bed. What more would I want after all?  
"Waitin' for the first customers?" Lia asked watching me from the corner of her eye while laying some menu cards onto the last table on her round. She knew excactly what I was about to do: hiding from our boss while seeming occupied with loads and even more loads of work. Just that it wouldn't work without any customers, and we all knew that.

"Mrs Walker, could you come into my office for one second?"Seems like I failed.

__________________________

"What did he want from you?" Mike, Danny's replacement for today asked when I left Mr. Green's office.

"Uhhm, just the normal stuff... telling me I should work more and stand around less. I... don't know," I answered casually tugging on my sleeve and shrugged. We had a break after the shift's first half and he and I were outside smoking a cig. Mike was in his mid-twenties, had thick brown hair and eyes, some stubble at his chin and was nicer and especially more reliable than Danny. I liked him, he was a friend of mine since I had no time to go out and find some at other places than my working place. Much to my regrets, it was Danny who got most cooking shifts, and I couldn't stand this guy at all. Okay - we all knew he got some issues, but all of us were able to hide or at least keep them out of our work, so he could at least try to do the same. Apart from this, he was just like my boss. A smartypants knowing everything while burning all the burgers and failing to even cook one proper meal. I didn't know why we had some regular customers. But I bet they just waited for the few days Mike was in charge of the kitchen.

"Ah, you know how his mood changes every minute, I bet he's already forgotten 'bout everything he's said. He just needed to piss off someone. As usual," he spoke while exhaling some smoke through his nostrils. I nodded in response and put away my cigarette after deciding to go back inside. I would have to eat a bit if I wanted to make it through the second half of my shift, so I gave a sign to Mike and he followed me. He made some bacon for the both of us and we sat down at a table in the diner's corner. It was my favorite place in there. Not just because Mr Green wouldn't spot me from where he entered the lobby through his office, but also because you had the best sight of the snowy landscape outside. Especially in the evening, while it got dark, it was nice to watch the streets in front of the little restaurant. Dimmed light illumined the little snowflakes flying in the wind, they looked like dancing crystals in the cold air. I liked that atmosphere and loved it to go home through it.  
But for now I would have to work until I could finish here. It was only 2 PM and my shift would end around 10. Eight hours left. I sighed inwardly and stood up after Mike and I finished our chit chat over the meal. I thanked him and helped to clean the dishes before I excused myself and went to the staff's room in the back of the building. A quick glance into the mirror told me that my working clothes were still neat and clean so I had no reason to change. I hated that damn uniform, but I had - as always - no choice but to wear it. While I left the room, Lia entered and I nodded at her with a smile on my face before I went back to work. Today was a day like every other... at least until now.


	2. 2

Two hours left to go. Just two hours until I could go home and would be at liberty to continue reading that book I was on, listen to music and just relax until I would go to bed and sleep, just to get up tomorrow and work in here again. Well, at the very least I made plans to do that in my mind, just like I did every evening right before I finished work. Eventually, i would be way too tired anyway, hence, nothing to read for me. Maybe I'd be able to listen to some music. I doubted it, though, since I still had to cook for my brother when I got home and he didn't like my music that much. Whatsoever. I just hoped my brother wouldn't be in a bad mood again. He usually was and I hatet it. More than my boss, Danny and this place together. But he was my brother, and besides, he was the one who managed to get us away from the streets and handled to get a job and an appartment with barely anything but the clothes he was in. I owed him. I really did.  
"Uhm. Sorry Miss, my friend here wanted a coke."  
My head smashed against a shelf when my thoughts were disturbed by that deep voice addressing me.  
"Uhhm...," I stumbled and heard a warming laugh that made me blush. I looked deeply embarrassed at the two guys and rubbed my neck with my free hand, balancing a tablet with drinks on the other. One of them had short hair hidden by a cap and a small, dark beard above his upper lip. Even though the guy was sitting I could tell he wasn't much taller than me.  
He smiled at me mischievously and I didn't really know what to say. When I turned my head slowly to watch the other guy I just made a fool out of myself in front of, my mind was captured by the brightest blue eyes I'd ever seen in my entire life. I looked at him and wasn't able to watch anywhere else, it felt like this friendly sparkling blue was watching right into my soul. I wasn't even able to recognize any other detail of that guy...  
Snapping back into reality after the surrounding noises came back to my head I blushed a deep red and bowed down my head to hide my face.   
The only thing that crossed my mind was a big "embarrassing, Kay, friggin' embarrassing", written in uppercased red letters. I didn't really recognize who of them had spoken to me, but before they could say anything more I got back to my memorized phrases I usually used and took the cognac I had put in front of them.  
"I am truly sorry, I'll bring you the right drink in one second," I managed to smile and turned on my heels as fast as I could, sensing those ice blue eyes piercing into my back.  
I felt slightly nervous while pouring the dark liquid into a fresh glass and glanced around, hoping to see Lia or someone else so I could make her bring the drink to those guys. They weren't impolite or some of those weirdos you would normally find in this town. Seriously, their reaction could've been way worse. It was more like they were just way too ... normal. To my fortune I didn't spot Lia and was on my own. Okay. It wasn't such a big deal. Place the coke, apologize for that mistake again, don't fool yourself as already done... if I'd stick to those points it couldn't be that hard to get through, could it? Besides, I didn't even have one single clue why I felt so damn weird. They were just two normal customers, random strangers like everybody else around. Nothing special to deal with.  
I shook off my thoughts, tried to stop staring into the coke like a maniac while doing so and took a deep breath before finally bringing myself to go back to that table. The fuck was wrong with me today?  
When I went there I felt my face heat back up slightly and tried to cover my reddened cheeks with my chocolate brown hair. The two guys smiled at me and the one with that damn awesome eyes winked. This time I was able to catch some more details of him; blonde-red hair, small laughter lines around his eyes and mouth such as bright stubble on his chin were the most notably marks.  
"Again, I am sorry for the mistake. Do you want something to eat, too?"  
I smiled at them politely while asking and fished my notebook out of my white pants' pocket. I tried to take deep breaths and felt my head and body calming down slowly. Seems like every part of me had realized them being just normal by now. Took long enough, though.  
"Uhhm, what about those burgers? Are they... well. Eatable?" The guy with the cap smirked and I nodded.  
"Today they are, actually," I smiled wider and thought about how they would be if Danny would've come to work. Somehow, I was glad he didn't.  
"What does that mean?" The second guy asked and I stumbled a bit when I realized what I just said.  
"Uhhm you know... sometimes they are... uhm. A bit... burned", I tried to explain and both of them answered with laughter. They had this heart-warming one. I shrugged a bit and took their orders before leaving their table to serve other guests. That had gotten strange enough already.  
My last hour to work passed by slowly but I managed to not mess up anything else. I brought their burgers to table number five and I brought other things to other tables. I chit chatted with guests, got some tips and time, on the other hand, went by. Slowly but surely, people went home and the diner emptied. I helped to clean up, set everything straight for the next day and that was it. I went home and gladly found out that my brother would've to work overnight. Don't get me wrong, I like my brother. And like I said before - I owe him. But as much as I do like him, I hate him for what he has become over the past years. After our parents died in a goddamn car crash, we had nothing but the burden of debts they left behind. We weren't old enough to handle everything on our own. Damn, we were little kids still visiting school and suddenly we lost everything. Ending on the street we stood barely existing until my brother found a job with the help of a friend. Eventually life had gotten a bit better, though it's never been easy or fair to us. And soon it started to get worse again. That was shortly after Tony started to drink. With him drinking there came that abusive side of him, too. It wasn't as bad in the beginning but got worse in time. The thing is - I couldn't leave him. I didn't earn enough to afford my own living and he knew. He knew it so damn well. But that actually is a story for another time.  
As you can see, there isn't that much left about this shift to tell you guys. I mean... it was quite a normal day, at least that's what i thought several times back then. How should I've known that this small events would turn my whole world upside down? I simply couldn't. But if I would have, maybe I wouldn't be that broken by now... who knows.


	3. 3

The week crawled by slowly and nothing exciting happened. At least nothing I would describe as a special event taking place in my life. Every day I went to work in the morning and came back late in the evening. My brother was still having night shifts so I was able to relax after work. Or rather, I was able to listen to some good rock music while drifting into sleep quite early every night. Sometimes I did in front of the TV with a glass of wine in my hand, sometimes in bed with one on my dresser. But usually I fell asleep without even taking a sip because I simply forgot about it or decided otherwise.   
It was still snowing in the whole state, but most of the christmas decoration was stowed away by now and it just happened here and there that you spotted some waving Santa or Rudolph in a shop window. Most of them which were still displayed stood there for the whole year, since nobody cared about their window decoration around here. Did I already mention that I lived in the middle of nowhere? Well, then you might know that it is normality in such a small, weird town like mine. Nothing to be surprised about.  
So, the only thing that surprised me nowadays was my boss, Mr Green, hiring another worker for the small diner. Really, he already stressed out when I asked him to hire Lia, and he just agreed because she was able too cook when Danny wasn't there once more. He kept telling us that the restaurant wouldn't be big enough for so many staff members, but in the end he agreed somehow. Don't ask me why. By the way - Danny hadn't come to work the rest of the week and no one had heard a thing from him. So, fortunately, it was now Mike who led the one-men kitchen. Which probably was the reason why Green accepted another worker, now that I'm thinking about it. Whatsoever. What I really wanted to tell is that it was on me to instruct that teenage-girl to everything here. Lia said her name was Chloe. And I wasn't really up to do it. I mean, no offense, but who wants to introduce a new girl to work? Especially a spoiled one like she was. All she talked about was how she didn't want to clean shit because people actually had had their mouth on it. Like - really? Who guessed that while working in a restaurant? I still wasn't sure if she was here voluntarily, but I was damn sure that we couldn't let her serve our guests that easily. She was way too rude. On the other hand I found someone I could shift all the dirty work on. Literally. Cleaning dishes, cleaning the staff's room, cleaning the table, cleaning everything. In the beginning it was quite funny listening to her and how she blared about a broken nail, or watching her disgusted face while throwing an used napkin into the trash bin. But in time it got onto my nerves and I wanted her to shut up so badly. She just complained about everything and didn't do anything but whining to get around. But I didn't really give a damn - we all had to to this. All in all she was a no-good. And she increased my cigarette consumption into the air. I needed way too much nicotine to calm down from her ear-piercing voice and actions.   
It was around noon when I was outside again, smoking. Normally just doing that in my official breaks, now taking small ones to power smoke and get clear. I had gotten a heavy headache from that strain Chloe had made, and it wasn't a good idea to smoke of course. But that was the last thing I cared about. I was so pissed off that I didn't even realize him coming towards me, nor him standing close to me.   
"You again," he addressed me directly and I jumped sligthly, making him laugh.   
"W... what?" I asked and wanted to slam myself into the nearest wall. Smartest answer I could've given right now.  
"I seem to scare the shit out of ya every time I talk to you," he grinned and I finally snapped out of my thoughts and recognized him to the fullest. After half a week I had nearly forgotten about him, though I had dreamed of his piercing eyes the day before. So okay, I didn't forget about him at all, to be honest. Who cares?  
"You are not scaring me. I was just lost in my thoughts," I smiled back politely and watched him enlighten his own cig.  
"Yeah, sure. I bet you thought about me anyways 'n feel caught now", he grinned even wider, if that's possible, and let out a small chuckle.  
"So much self-confidence. Wow," I responded and he chuckled again.  
"So what is it making you jump every time I talk to you?" he asked curiously and I shrugged.  
"Don't know what you're talkin' about." I answered again, inhaling nicotine and turning a bit away from him.  
"Maybe the green bruise on your forehead might be an evidence," he smiled engagingly and I horrifiedly touched my hairline with my fingertips. I've got a bruise? Why didn't I see that over the past days? When I heard him yell with laughter I turned to him shocked and he faked wiping away tears.   
"Just kidding, sorry. Your expression was just way too funny," he explained and my face dropped. That damn idiot! Before I knew what I was doing I held a fist full of snow and threw it at him, right into his face. Besides his cigarette being killed with a fainting hiss and looking stupid, hanging around loosely in the corner of his mouth, it was on me to laugh about his dumbfounded face this time. I chuckled and killed my own cigarette that I had finished by now.  
"Sorry, sometimes I can't really control mys..."  
My words were shut off from a pile of snow that hit my mouth.   
"Lil' brat," he exclaimed and laughed again. I spat out the snow and tried to get out the rest of the frozen white prickling my tongue. I shot him dead eyes and narrowed them. He rapidly stopped laughing and rubbed his neck with his left hand, though he wasn't able to hold back a slight grin. He then reached out with his right to intoduce himself.  
"I'm Corey, by the way."  
I glanced at his hand and back into his icy blue eyes, still as fascinating as they were at our first encounter. Just when I was about to reply something, but not sure what, the diner's door opened and Lia called after me. Work to do, saving the day. I grinned a devilish smile at him and turned on my heels to flee with a short "sorry."  
But it seemed like he wouldn't let me go that easily. He grabbed my arm, turned me around and looked me deep in the eyes, way too serious for my taste. Way too close. I smelled him - a mixture of tobacco and a heavy scent of cologne. A good one. I was able to see even the smallest stubble on his not completely clean-shaven chin. Again, I was captured by his gaze, burning into my soul. It seemed like he could see every little inch of my head, every thought and every idea I had ever had. I bit my bottom lip and didn't know where to look excactly. He made me so nervous. My gaze traveled back to his and eventually, I recognized a mischievous sparkle in his eyes while he spoke to me one last time before releasing me.  
"You owe me a cigarette."


	4. 4

My legs felt terribly wobbly when I went back inside, not even glancing back over my shoulder at this Corey guy. As always while feeling uncomfortable, I hid my face behind my brown hair and lowered my head in confusion. I had no idea what just happened, but it was damn weird. My throat felt dry and I swallowed a weird taste in my mouth. As fast as I could, I went into the staff’s office without paying attention to waving guests, downed a glass of water which I refilled instantly to sip on it more slowly this time. ‘You owe me a cigarette’ … his deep, powerful voice filled my ears and head and made me shiver a bit. I wasn’t quite sure if I was scared of him or if it was something else making my body react so stupidly funny. I didn’t even know this guy. Who knew who he was and what kind of shit he was into? And why the hell did I even think about him this way? Gosh. Kaelyn. Calm the fuck down. I took a look in the mirror and saw my flushed cheeks burning bright red. Just when the thought of me not being able to go back into the diner’s lobby crossed my mind, I heard a high-pitched voice.  
“Why the hell do I have to do this? This is so annoying, like really. There are still leftovers on the plates. That’s disgusting!” Chloe beefed and I was literally able to hear her sniff in disgust.  
“Ms Moore, you came here to work, didn’t you? So move your ass and do so!” I heard my boss yell upset and slamming his fist onto his table or something. Always funny to hear him bollocking someone else than me. Seems like he had someone new to nag at.   
“Why can’t I serve the guests? I thought that’s all I have to do in here!” Chloe exclaimed and I smirked a bit.   
“Well, obviously it’s not. But okay, if you think you can do better on that, go and find Kaelyn. She will show you how to behave in front of our guests, walk with her for the next hours or so until she says that you are able to do it on your own.” Green groaned, which made me sigh to myself shortly after. Maybe it was rude of me thinking of her like she was stupid, but she was no good to me at the moment. I wanted some rest. Better, I wanted to go home and lay down. I felt like I was about to get ill anyway, just that I didn’t want to go home and see my brother. He knew I’d have to work until late. His reaction to me not earning my money was clear to me. It would always be. It went quiet again and I wasn’t able to hear anything else than my own breath.  
I finished my glass of water and washed it up before placing it near the sink to dry off. Again, I sighed desperately. Not just because of the fact that I’d still have to work more than four hours, but also that there was Chloe all around me for the rest of the day. Besides that Corey guy I mean. Appearently it wasn’t my day. I inhaled deeply and let out a short hiss before leaving the staff’s room again, nearly bumping into Chloe who just left Green’s office. I looked at her in the dimmed light of the little floor leading to the kitchen on the one side and the diner itself on the other and saw her looking at me shyly.   
“Uhm… Mr Green said I’d have to learn form you… how to serve guests and stuff…” she slowly said, apparently pissed.   
“Sure,” was all I replied and turned to go to work again. She followed me wordlessly while I grabbed my noteblock which I had put into a little bowl at the staff’s entrance. I also grabbed a pen and portended her to do the same.   
“Okay, so let’s do it. Ready?” I asked and she nodded slightly. She appeared way calmer now and I hoped she would stay that way from now on.   
“First rule. Always Be polite, whatever shit happens and whatever people tell you. Don’t take anything personal. You can do some small talk to guests, but nothing big so you don’t waste much time. Understood?”  
“Yah sure, that was quite obvious.”   
“Indeed. Note down everything they order and be sure to write properly. You won’t be allowed to cash up yet, so I’ll have to be able to read everything you wrote. Okay?”  
“Yeah,” Chloe answered casually.  
With that, we entered the diner’s main area and although I tried to avoid any eye contact … well, there he was. The second I walked through the door I felt his eyes piercing me and sending shivers down my spine. Not sure wether it was because of me fooling myself in front of him some days ago, or simply because of the incident outside or maybe even because of both of it, that nervousness came over me again. Just hoping for Chloe to behave once and not whining around, I eventually had to serve his table when he raised his hand signaling me to come over.  
“Good afternoon; how can I help you?” I asked sending a concerned shot to Chloe so she’d get how to welcome our guests. Shouldn't be that hard, but who knows what she was thinking. “Hey,” Corey smiled a bit devilishly and I wasn't able to say anything smart. So I kept quiet instead, still confused about his actions outside.  
“One round of coke, please,” his friend from last time said and looked from me to Corey and back. Seems like we had just stared at each other quite weirdly. Snapping back to reality I mouthed for Chloe to note it down and sent a polite smile to the guys. This time there weren't just the two of them but four. They brought friends, awesome. More people I could fool myself in front of.  
“Sure, will be here in a few. Anything else?” I asked and they denied. Just when we stepped back to the counter to set the drinks I heard someone come up behind me. The second I turned around I saw this Corey guy in front of me. Again.  
“So.... appears like you’re refusing to talk to me now…?” he half asked and I wasn't sure how to respond. That guy left me speechless more often than all the guys I ever met together.  
“Tell me your name, c’mon. I just wanna introduce ourselves to each other since it seems like I’d be around more often from now on.”  
I took a concerned look and started smiling at him shyly when he did the same.  
The hell was wrong now?  
“What if I don't?” I asked curiously and began to grin wider.   
“Hmm…” He shrugged before talking again.  
“Guess I have to read your name tag then… Kaelyn,” he said slowly, as if he had to think about it seriously. While speaking he went more quiet word for word and he nearly mumbled my name under his breath. Suddenly, our little chat outside crossed my mind again and I was able to smell him again, smelled the mixture of tobacco and cologne. I was caught by his deep, hoarse voice and again - who would have guessed it - blushed when he offered me his hand for the second time.   
“Let's just try it again. Hello little Miss, I am Corey.”  
I saw Chloes confusion from the corner of my eye but decided to ignore her and sighed while reaching for his hand.  
“Kaelyn,” I said and grabbed it. And oh. my. god. Again, I lost myself in his eyes. Again, I freaking blurred out everything but his face… quite an adorable one. But what's new was the tingling sensation where he touched my hand. I shook his up and down slowly before trying to release it. He resisted, and just like before he pulled me closer to him.  
“You still owe me.”   
God, it drove me crazy to look at those lips of his. They would feel so damn good on m… ‘KAELYN. STAHP!! THAT! SHIT!’   
Hush, it's okay. Got it. He's a random customer. Duuu; calm down and stop blushing…  
“Ye… what..ever…” I replied weakly and managed to get my hand away from his, still prickling like I just touched some high voltage fence.  
Wincing barely noticeably, I shrugged and took a step back, my back bumping into the counter with surpise. He gave a short hoarse laugh while winking at me.  
“Nice to finally meet you. So…” he glanced at Chloe who didn't even think about leaving or something. She rather eavesdropped on us casually. He motioned me to follow him a step away from her and whyever I insisted… well, I did.  
“So,” he said.  
“So.”  
“Not as confident in here, Kaelyn?” he smirked and I wanted to slap myself.  
“Just a bit confused… Corey,” I imitated him to the best. Just kidding, totally failed this one but it seemed to be funny to him. Good enough, though.


	5. 5

“What did you mean when you said you’d be around here more often from now on?” I asked in confusion after I calmed down a bit.  
“Uhh, you know. I’m working near here at the moment so I’ll probably come by to eat on some days,” Corey answered my question with some sparkles in his eyes and I could tell that it weren't the burgers he chased after.  
“Yep,” he continued, pronouncing the ‘p’ with a popping sound.  
What did he mean… did I just spoke that out loud? OH GOD. I clasped my hands over my mouth to shut it and looked at him in embarrassment. I didn't just do that, did I? Nooo, Kaelyn, dammit…   
Before Corey could say anything more I was saved by Lia another time. She called me to the staff’s room and I winced a little afte rushing past Chloe and facepalmed myself once the door closed. How dumb could a single individual be?!  
“The hell is wrong with you?” Lia addressed me with a concerned look on her face and I shook my head.  
“Please, just dig me a hole I can burry myself in,” I replied, still holding my hand over my face to cover the redness approaching which made her laugh out loud.  
“What did you do that makes you redden like a tomato?” she laughed and i shot her dead eyes, though I had to hold back a bit of my own laughter. Yea, the whole situation was just hilarious. How could I describe it in a proper way without her thinking I’m a psycho or something? On the other hand, she knew me long enough by now and she might help me with what this situation was. I mean, I wasn't even sure what happened the last days.   
But instead of telling I just shook my head in confusion and shrugged. I’ve always been more to myself and I just bet hat Corey did this… flirting? (Was it even flirting he did? Or was it not on purpose that he kinda made me insane?) to have a bit fun after work. There couldn't be a deeper meaning in this, like really.   
“What was it you wanted from me by the way?” I dropped the topic. Lia still had this funny expression on her face but managed to not laugh again when I obviously didn't want to share my secrets with her.  
“Uhm, just wanted to ask how it's going with Chloe. I heard you have to watch her.”  
“Yepp, that's right. Guess it's okay, she didn't freak out yet,” I stressed the last word and shrugged again. Somehow I wanted to go back to Corey and talk to him, he had this weird attraction to me. But on the other hand I fooled myself that often in front of him that I bet he thought I’d be some serious freak by now. Well done, Kay. But as always having no choice, I had to go out there and work again. So, the second I walked into the main area again I glanced around for him, hoping he would be back at his friends’ table. But of course, that damn idiot wasn't. Instead he stood right where I left him and grinned at me with a weird expression. Chloe looked a bit lost where she stood, right behind the bar and pouring coke into four glasses. At least she got that she had something to do so I smiled at her and took the drinks before turning to Corey again.  
“Your drinks are ready, I’ll bring them to your table. Wanna join your friends again?” I offered him to get away from the creep I was. But, popping the ‘p’ again, he answered with another bright grin.  
“Nope.”  
I looked at him in confusion and shrugged a bit, trying to balance the tablet with the drinks at the same time.  
“Okay,” I turned on my heels, swore that he wouldn't stop me again and made my way to his friends. I set down the drinks and went back to the front area, after making sure nobody needed my service.  
“So what was that?” he asked me suspiciously while taking a step towardsa me and I glanced at him while writing a bill.  
“What excactly do you mean?” I asked back innocently.  
“You and your relieved expression while fleeing from me. Besides, you’re bright red in the face, of course.”  
He pierced me with his gaze, his bright eyes sparkling bright blue but I tried to not look at him. I could tell he was confused but also a bit angry that I had run off just like that. But as always, I wasn't able to handle that guy. There was also something else.  
“I just… uhm. I… I mean…. It was… quite embarrassing,” I managed to say after several attempts. He shook his head in clear confusion and disagreement while taking another step towards me.   
“Actually, I think it was quite sweet,” he nearly whispered. Again, he got me. With his voice, his eyes, yes, even his skin was attractive to me right now. I was lost for what felt like years while he touched my arm slightly and offered me an honest smile. Sparks shot through my body punching me into my stomach. I felt how my lips curled into a smile too, without me even wanting it, before a by now well known high-pitched voice made us both jump a bit.  
“Sorry Mister, someone's waving at you,” Chloe broke the moment. Hold on -Was it even a moment? Was it supposed to be a moment? - I wasn't able to tell. But by the disappointed look on Corey’s face after he turned around to see his friends waving at him to come back to their table, I could tell that he wanted to say something else to me. I couldn't imagine what, though I’d find out eventually. But instead of saying something else he offered me another smile and left to join his friends again. Just when I turned back to the bill (or rather when I wanted to) he froze and turned around again. I curiously watched him, and while stoving his hands into his jean's pockets he came back to me with two big steps.  
Suddenly, his face was right in front of mine and came closer, inch for inch. His lips brushed my cheeck, then my ear while he spoke with his hoarse voice.  
“You better not forget that you still owe me, Kay,” he whispered. And then he was gone, went back to his table. He left me behind, still sending shivers down my spine, still filling my nostrils with his scent. He drove me crazy and I would give my left arm if he didn't know excactly what he did to me. Then, I began to wonder about how I would have to pay for that damn cigarette and how far this stranger would go in breaking my comfort zone over and over. He already did twice and I got the weird feeling that it hadn't been the last.


	6. 6

After everyone else was gone I went into the diner’s little bathroom, undressed and hopped into the shower, letting the hot water relax my muscles. Especially my neck felt hard like a stone and I breathed a sigh of relief. I hissed when the water suddenly reached my ribcage, which was fully covered with bruises turning from dark purple to blue slowly. Yes, my brother was back from night shifts, had his week off and killed time by drinking and beating the crap out of me again. It was nothing new, but I always hoped he might stop someday. That day wouldn't be here fast enough. It happened two days ago, while I was at home listening to some music. I was late, my mind influenced by stressful work and traffic full of people who shouldn't have gotten their driver’s license. So, slightly pissed, I went inside the small apartment and threw my stuff into my room before the smell of alcohol hit me. That was not the way this apartment was supposed to smell like, after all. At least not if my brother wasn't at home. I tiptoed through the kitchen into the living room, hoping that Tony would be asleep or something. But my attention was drawn to some shattered bottles on the floor besides puddles of liquor. Everything was a complete mess. Yupp, he definitely was home.  
I sighed in annoyance and prepared myself for yells and a fight, but I wasn't able to spot Tony anywhere. I peeked around every corner but he was not in here. So, sighing again, I put on my music and started to clean everything. I got some cleaning products from the kitchen and kneeled down into that mess to wash it all up. I gathered the broken bottles together, and when I accidentally cut myself on a shard, a sharp pain went through my finger. I hissed and held the injured finger, got up to get a tissue.  
Turning around I finally realized him standing behind me. I didn't hear him coming in, nor did he do anything to catch my attention. He just stood there watching me. Which was unusual and quite suspicious. But, when my eyes met his, I saw them filled with anger and tried not to tear up.  
“Ton-”  
He cut me off.  
“You stupid bitch, where the fuck is my dinner?”   
And then he moved towards me…  
I shook my head to get rid of those memories and shivered, though I still stood beneath the hot water warming that melee of body parts I represented. Steam fogged windows and mirrors, but I didn't care. A stream of thoughts about recent events hit me. Yeah, somehow I had made it through today. Somehow, I had even managed to not fool myself in front of anybody but Corey and somehow I didn’t even scare the shit out of him by being myself. No, actually it was pretty nice, talking to him in my little smoking breaks. Some days went by since I accepted to our introduction and he made my heart flutter every time I saw him. Which was quite often since he stopped by nearly every day. It was surely noticeable that every time I went out to smoke, he didn’t need one second to follow me. I think I also heard his friends making jokes about him being like a dog, chasing cars and if he’d catch the one car he adored, he wouldn’t know what to do with it. I was confused after hearing that accidentally, but the moment Corey came through the door and into the cold white later, smiling at me with his lovely smile and honesty in his eyes, I simply forgot about it. I wasn’t determined whilst being around Corey, nor was I able to get my eyes away from him, but I couldn’t explain why so. I couldn’t even find a proper answer to why he is talking to me, but somehow I gave up on trying. He actually was a hell of a man and had this attraction on me that I had never felt to anyone before. But still, there were doubts in the back of my head. There were questions over questions I couldn’t suppress, like what he did want from me or who he was after all. Though we talked about a lot of things, besides fooling around like teenagers, we didn’t really talk about personal stuff. I couldn’t tell if he’d been to shy to ask, but I surely was. All I knew about him, after one week or so, was that his name was Corey. That he was trying to stop with liquors - which made me feel extra guilty for that damn Cognac I brought him back then - and that he didn’t like the snow, actually. Well, and that he worked in my town at the moment. He didn’t like overly annoying people, but was still friendly while talking, whoever he was talking with. I, on the other hand, told him even less personal stuff. He mostly brought the guy with the cap I also met when they came around the first time, who sometimes revealed his hair, showing a little red mohawk. His name was Sid. Sometimes he also brought other colleagues from work, but I’ve gotten the feeling that they were his closest friends anyway. Like Corey had already mentioned, he came nearly every day into the diner, watching Sid eat one of those burgers and drinking his coke while smiling towards me. I couldn’t stop but feel his gaze always piercing my back, and every time I would meet his eyes with mine, shivers ran down my spine. But every time we talked, Corey confused me a bit more. There was today, when he appealed to be in such a bad mood. He just grumbled and nagged on everybody, didn’t even join me outside to smoke. It became kind of a habit (?), so it made me feel weird standing alone out there. He didn’t talk to me and I thought I messed up, that I did something wrong and asked myself over and over what happened. Corey didn’t even say goodbye when he went home. It nearly drove me insane and I felt so… sick.   
I turned off the shower and stepped out, wrapping the towel I brought with me around my body. I dried my hair and got dressed into my normal clothes before I locked every door and went outside. Like everytime I did while it snowed, I smiled slightly and raised my head to the sky. Watching the snowflakes fall from up there… but then I saw someone from the corner of my eye. I turned my head… and there he stood. Winding his Jacket around himself, his hands shoved down into it’s pockets, Corey stood on the other side of the street watching me. After I stared at him for some seconds, not sure whether to be angry at him or not, he came over to me and hugged me tightly. He didn’t even say one word and for my own sake he didn't recognize my wince of pain as my ribcage was smashed against his. I wasn't sure whether to hug him back or not, yet, but I was secretly enjoying the sparkles he sent through my body and the feeling of not being able to breathe because of his presence. Because of his touch. I didn’t know what to do, he catched me completely off-guard, so I just stood there. Eyes wide open, staring nowhere excactly until I realized him, resting his head on my shoulders, which made me wrap my arms around him slowly, hugging him back. It was so weird and so damn sweet at the same time. Still, I’m not sure what he wanted from me... Some moments later he pulled away, smiling for the first time this day.   
“Shall I bring you home? I can’t stand the thought of you walking home all alone,” he explained himself at least a little bit and looked slightly desperate. I wanted to say yes so badly. Damn, I wanted to get to know more about him, I wanted to walk down the streets do my door with him, talking about him or me, having fun and laugh. I wanted to see him smile like he did while I told him something and I wanted to hear that heart-warming, belly laugh of his. I wanted to say yes but I wasn’t able to. Because there was my scare of getting burned by him and because of my brother. He didn't know, but Corey had just reminded me on so many things. On my bruises, in first place. It suddenly hit me that I’d never be able to really get someone I’d like, so I took a step back and shook my head, dropping it heavily.  
“I’m sorry,” I said. My voice cracked a bit but I didn’t care. I was falling for a man I didn’t even know and I suddenly realized that I had to stop.  
“I … I shouldn’t be here with you,” I added and refused to meet his eyes. I wasn’t able to imagine the hurt that might be readable in them. So, when I finally looked up, his gaze felt like he just punched me in my stomach. There wasn’t just pain, but also disbelief and pure shock. By then, I knew I shouldn’t have let it come so far with him. I shouldn’t have let myself hope. I shouldn’t even have let myself talk to him. I shouldn't have let him hope, or whatever he did.  
I should have gotten my pheromones under control and stopped falling for him.  
But for now, I had to get back control over myself. For now it was enough to walk away and stop it. So I did.


	7. 7

I heard his steps behind me, speeding up. Of course I did. What was I expecting? I should have learned from the first time that he wouldn’t take it. He wasn’t the type of guy who would take anything he couldn’t understand. I saw it in his eyes before. I reached some empty alley, dark and scary to most people but not to me. The only thing I thought about was getting away from here. But, who guessed it, I didn’t even pass half the street when he caught up to me. Just like the first time I wanted to escape, he grabbed me. Determining but gentle at the same time, he spun me around. I couldn’t look at him, not again. I didn’t want to, so I kept my head down.  
“What the fuck!” he exclaimed bitterly and I shrank a bit. He didn’t lose his grip on my arm and although he didn’t hurt me at all, I felt uncomfortable as hell.  
“Kaelyn!” he yelled, but I didn’t react. I did not look up at him and I did not try to get away. I felt numb.  
“Kaelyn…,” he said more quietly but emphatically. I stood still.  
“Don’t skip out on me…,” he murmured pissed and then I felt his fingers under my chin. He lifted up my face so I had to look at him. I tried not to, but eventually my eyes were on his. I wasn’t able to read them because his whole face was expressionless.  
“I…” but again, my voice slipped away and I felt hoarse. How the fuck could I tell him what was going on? Or why should I? I didn’t know him, I didn’t understand why he ran after me and I didn’t want him to. Didn’t I stand my point clear enough?  
“What, Kaelyn? What?” he went louder again.  
“I don’t know!” I yelled back and wanted to finally break away from him, but he suddenly pressed me against an old fence behind me. His nose nearly touched mine and I held my breath. That was too fast for my mind to understand.  
“Kaelyn..,” he wispered my name against my lips, like it was some mantra, keeping me from leaving. Staring at him shocked, he leaned forward. I wasn’t able to move, still, but then again, he stopped himself and just leaned his forehead against mine.   
“What is happening here…” he lowered himself against me.  
“I don’t…” but since my mind went red I just pushed him back and felt my body stiffen. For one second I felt safe in such an utterly weird situation, and then my damn ripcage reminded me on why I did act like I do.  
“Please, let me go.” I nearly cried and tried to get my feelings under control. Again, he looked annoyed and denied.  
“Negative,” he said and smiled half-hearted.  
Once more I shook my head and shot him an apologetic look before I took some steps back the alley. Trying to gather all of him I stared at him for one second, noticing the pain and everything else in his eyes that shouldn’t be there, before, for the second time today, I just turned on my heels and went away.  
What did just happen? Was I dreaming?  
Those questions kept running through my head and I couldn’t stop them being in there. It felt like a nightmare, walking through the dark streets in dimmed light, completely different than every other day. Alone.  
That’s what I am. That’s what I was. That’s what I’ll always be. Because I can’t let it happen. I cannot let anyone get close to me. Or so I thought. But before I recognized it, I did. I felt like my eyes watered up and wasn’t sure what to do about it. On the one hand I felt like just letting this breakdown happen, but on the other hand… I had to keep up my head. I couldn’t let this guy drag me down. Though, it wasn’t him. It was me.   
I felt his bright eyes piercing my back and heard his yells, but I thought it might be the best to stick with ignoring him. My train of thoughts was running wild and I was glaring at everybody who dared to even glance at me. I didn’t want to seem weak. I didn’t want to break down, not in public… neither in private. Why did this shit affect me that much? Damn, it was just a guy I met like, what, two weeks ago? Not longer. I barely even knew him. Damn. Damn. Damn.  
I wrapped my arms around myself and kept walking, though I still heard him calling after me. I winced a little when I grazed against my ripcage, but the pain kept me moving. It was okay. I didn’t even know where all of this came from. Like really, what did I expect? As if he would really have any hopes or something. I probably was a game to him, like I always was. I nodded to my own thoughts in agreement, or at least to convince myself. Somewhere deep down I knew I was lying to myself but it made everything easier. There wasn’t bullshit like love on first sight, I wasn’t living in Hollywood or a stupid movie. This was just my imagination running wild, and I had to stop it before I would lose myself way too much into it.   
It was the right decision I made.   
It had to be.  
So… why the hell did I have to convince myself over and over?

__________________

The days after that happening weren’t easy. My brother kept drinking. Most evenings he passed out on the couch before even noticing me, so I was safe. Or, well, as safe as you can be while living with an aggressive pain in the ass who likes punching you. I kept going to work. I wasn’t really looking forward to it the other day, but surprise surprise, neither Corey nor his friends showed up at any time. It appeared like they’ve never been there. It made me sad somehow, thinking that he maybe came just to see me. That maybe, he convinced his friends to come along, so he could smoke with me and talk to me some minutes per day. But in the end, there I stood, in my usual working clothes, smoking outside, alone. ‘Surprise, surprise’, I thought sarcastically, every time I looked at the filled streets. The days went by and still no sign of him. I sometimes caught myself glancing around, wishing to spot him at his usual table. Then again, I felt relieved about not seeing him. It would be quite awkward anyway. I mean, if we would ever meet again.  
Sometimes that saying about people always meet twice a life crossed my mind, but most times I shook it off. I tried hard to not get lost in my thoughts about him or anything I referred to him. I remember me feeling like a wreck in the beginning, not even wanting to get out of bed in the mornings. But after a week or so, my usual routine came back. Though, I was thinking about Corey a lot. I dreamed of his eyes, his smile, how we talked. But eventually, even that happened a little less. And things became easier to handle.   
After another week I had full control over myself again, and while the snow melted and it became spring outside, I gained back my self-confidence that I had destroyed before.  
Spring went by and though I still thought about Corey here and there, I came to rest. Some days my mood wasn’t that great, not just because of work sucking or my brother, but because of my mind racing when I thought I saw him on the streets or so. Lia would ask me what’s wrong these days, but I wouldn’t tell her. It was my business to keep myself distracted from everything, and after a while, it helped. Of course, he wouldn’t leave my mind that easily. I still thought about that tension between us, even if I told myself that I imagined that. I was still curious about why he was in such a bad mood back that day, and especially why he seemed so different the moment we’d been alone. Why he ran after me. But I knew I wouldn’t get an answer.   
Sometimes I would wake up in the nights, swearing to myself that I was able to smell him like he was laying right beside me. But my bed was apart from myself empty, and it stayed empty. And time went by. Suddenly, it was autumn, but I barely noticed. I had my daily routine and kept myself in it, so there couldn’t happen anything again. Though it was a small and weird experience that still held me somewhere, I learned from it. I mean... I guess.


	8. 8

“Do you even listen to me?” I heard Lia besides me and lifted my head to look at her. I was in the kitchen, preparing some sandwiches since Mike was outside on his break.  
“Uh… sure.”  
She looked back at me and raised her eyebrows.  
“Sure”, she copied me sarcastically and looked a bit annoyed.  
“Well, what did I just tell?”  
“Uhhm… something about… you know… okay, got me. What did you just say?” I admitted and grinned innocently. Though she was a bit moody in the past days she wouldn’t be angry with me because of not listening to her. She was used to it by now. As always when I did that, she sighed and facepalmed herself before she turned to me again.  
“Okay, just say yes.”  
“To what?”  
“Should have listened I guess.”  
“No.” I discussed and made her grin with it.  
“Okay, okay. But promise me you will listen this time. Because I just told you about that damn awesome Halloween-party that’s taking place in town, like, every year. And I got two tickets cause of my boyfriend working there. It actually is for those snobby wanna-be celebrities, but… well, I heard it’s fun. And since my boyfriend doesn’t need a ticket after being in the commitee I can use this ticket to bring someone else along. And I chose you.”  
Oh wow, she held such a long speech and I didn’t notice. Upsie daisy.  
“Uhhm… I don’t know. I don’t like parties, you know”, I replied uncomfortably. She knew how much I hated big crowds and stuff like that, especially if they all were dressed like some stupid monsters or so.   
“Kay, c’mon. We havn’t been on a girl’s evening for months now and your monotone day in day out working routine is lame. You need some fun to cheer you up, girl!” she answered eagerly and made me shoot weird eyes at her.  
“What do you mean by that? Why do I need a cheer up?”  
“Uhhm… you know… -you… don’t seem to be yourself over the past month. You changed. You are lot quieter and you’re always wearing this pokerface. Letting nobody come close and stuff… don’t think I wouldn’t have noticed. Damn, everyone in here did. Even Green isn’t that harsh to you since you seemed… dunno.. broken”, she explained slowly and gave me an sympathetic look. I turned away and kept setting the food while thinking about what to say to her. I didn’t want to be rude, but it wasn’t her business if I changed or not. Though, I didn’t felt like I did. Whatever.  
“Look, it’s just some distraction, okay? I don’t know what’s bothering you, and obviously you don’t wanna talk to me. That’s okay. But at least try to keep living instead of shutting yourself away from everyone.”  
I looked at her in confusion and shrugged. I didn’t know she noticed that much about me. Sure, we used to be close friends, and maybe we still are. But I always thought she was more into finding a guy and hanging out at every party possible than being the understanding observer who actually cared about much more than thought. Guess I underestimated her.  
“Lia, I don’t… I don’t know, like really. I don’t like big parties, loud music, crowds of people and though it might be fun I hate to dress up in a stupid costume. We can do a girl’s evening, but can’t we do it somewhen else? You have plenty of friends to choose from, so why don’t you ask one of them? It’s just not my kind of thing… though I appreciate it, of course”, I tried to calm her but she didn’t even think about surrendering.  
“I chose you, Kay. C’mon, do me that favor. Just look at it like a… conflation of old friends. I mean, you know my boyfriends Chase, you know his friend Tyler and you might know some other people there. It’ll be fun - promise!” she kept on convincing me and I finally gave in, not without an annoyed sigh. I’d never go down without an annoyed sigh.  
“Okay. But don’t expect anything from me, Lia”, I told her with a warning look and she shrugged grinning.  
“Just try to have fun.” With that such as a flick against the back of my head, she disappeared into the front of the diner. It was monday morning and she was way to happy for my taste. Like really I wasn’t much of a morning person, nor was I much of a monday person. But she was so happy since she got back together with Chase that it was nearly going onto my nerves. Why would someone be that happy just because of a guy. Urgh.  
I glanced at the Halloween party ticket she laid at the counter besides me and sighed again. Would she get mad if I would drown it in the sink until it’d be destroyed? Not on purpose of course…   
The answer would probably be yes, damn. Instead, I just took it and threw it into my bag without glancing on it again. Which reminded me of my brother, since he gave me this one after I was accepted on this job. How would I explain to him that I’d be out on Halloween? It was like two days until then, and the diner closed earlier that day, but still… would he even let me go out?   
I scratched my arm under my long sleeved shirt and rememberd the dark purple marks he left there. It was time I applied for something real and left him… but how could I? I shook my head and went back to the food bar, trying to distract myself with preparing more of that but it didn’t last that long. Eventually Mike came back, hugged and thanked me for helping out in the kitchen and I went back to the lobby, serving people. How I loved that. Not.   
The end of the day crawled by slowly and I decided to go into the city after work. Shops wouldn’t be open for much longer, but I just needed some new book to read. Apart from that, I didn’t want to see Tony that early the day, I just wasn’t in the mood. After I looked around in my favourite little bookstore until they nearly closed I decided to buy “The perks of being a wallflower”, since I didn’t read it in school but heard a lot about it. After that, I grabbed some food on my way home, swinging the book’s bag back and forth and enjoying my Falaffel. Tony would kill me if he knew that I spent money on extra food, but I didn’t care. I cared about few things the past month, so I kept moving along my way, threw my remains into a trash bin in some alley and went home. I thought about Halloween sceptically. I wasn’t ready for that. Like I mentioned before, I hated parties and stuff like that. Too many people, too much liquids, too much drugs and shit going on there. I didn’t want to be part of people’s shit. I had enough own shit going on. On the other hand - now that I had this carefree attitude, maybe, on the contrary to the past times I went to bigger parties, I could enjoy myself. Maybe Lia was right. I needed something to distract me other than work. Maybe I’d even be able to have some fun.  
______  
“Tony?” I asked shyly after I let myself into our apartment and brought my bags back to my room. I stood in the hallway, not sure where he was, doubting he heard me. I didn’t even hear myself, actually.  
“Tony?” I spoke again, barely louder. I focused on any noises but wasn’t able to hear a thing. I was quite sure that Tony wouldn’t have any night shift this month, so I was a bit scared what he was up to this time. Most days I would just lock myself in my room if he was here, but I guess I couldn’t avoid talking to him. Though, when I took a step forward some thought crossed my mind.   
Why the hell would I even need his permission to go to that damn party? It wasn’t his decision if I would have fun for once, I mean, it’s not like I still was a teenager he could forbid everything. I was a fully grown-up and independent woman. Sometimes. Yet, here I stood, tugging on my sleeves nervously and unsure whether to ask him or not. I eventually turned and went back to my room, closing the door silently so he wouldn’t exactly notice me. Whom did I want to fool? I already knew his reaction. He would freak out, throw something at me and yell through the whole house, he would punch the shit out of me until I would back down and promise him not to go. So it seemed like I had to go without mentioning anything, though it would end up just the same way eventually. At least if he wouldn’t pass out on the couch, drunk as hell and barely noticing anything than his spinning head. I dragged myself over to my bed and crawled under the comforting sheets. I was so damn tired.   
Before I closed my eyes I just thought about how I would have to dress up for that party at Lia’s. There was no chance I could do it here, Tony would see and even he was able to figure out what I was up to. Maybe I’d had to tell Lia a small lie to convince her that she wouldn’t have to pick me up. I might just change in the diner after it closed, and then go to the party by myself. Would need less excuses and cause less interrogation from Lia. Sounded like a plan.

I didn’t even recognize how I fell asleep. I didn’t dream anything, at least nothing I could remember, and I just remember how I opened my eyes again. I tried to rub the sleep out of them while yawning. Didn’t help that much, so I tried to orientate myself and looked around in my room. I didn’t even remember how I changed from working clothes into PJs, but obviously I did. I turned to the side, trying to read my clock but my eyes were way too bleared and sticky… had I been crying? I closed them again, thinking about snuggling back into my sheets but I decided to go the bathroom instead. I felt weird, kind of sad, and somehow I knew that I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep that easily. I never was once I woke up.  
Half the way to the bathroom I changed my mind and went into the kitchen instead, poured myself a glass of water and sipped on it. It was nicely cold, waking me up a bit, but I still felt weird. Everything blurred a bit and the light was way to bright. I didn’t exactly had headache or so, it was just… well, it just had been a long time since the last time I felt like this. It was at least 5 years ago. I fell into deep thoughts until I heard a roaring voice, making me jump.  
“YOU PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT!”  
Tony stormed into my direction, anger and madness in his eyes. His face was heated up by his wrath, nearly bright red as he hauled off to throw some punches at me. I closed my eyes, my body stiffened before I felt just a little breeze. I expected him hitting me hard, but after I opened my eyes again I realized he had just stopped right in front of my eyes. By then I saw him holding some piece of paper in his hand while he waited for me to explain. That was new to me. As I took a searching look at the object, I just recognized it. My glass slipped out of my hand, shattered into thousand pieces when it hit the floor and my eyes widened in shock. How did he found my ticket? Why did he even searched through my back? He never did that before! Fuck!  
“T… Tony, I’m…”  
“SAVE YOUR EXCUSES!” he yelled again and I shrank back.   
“You are going to a fancy party, even daring to spend your money on this fucking shit, leaving your brother at home?! Do you think you can mess with me? I told you that you have to be home after work and don’t spend money unnecessarily!” he screamed in anger, not thinking about lowering his voice.  
“I… I didn’t buy…”  
“I SAID DON’T MESS WITH ME!” He didn’t listen. Of course. He would never listen to me. Especially not while he was drunk and smelled like an alcoholic as much as he did. I teared up and he laughed again. What did I even think by agreeing to Lia? I know it would just bring me problems and now that Tony found that ticket he’d kill me.   
“Stop ignoring me,” he roared under his breath and I looked to the floor, waiting for the first punch. I knew how it would end. I knew it.  
“Tony, I didn’t…” I whispered, but again, he interrupted me. Not with words though. I just felt something hard hitting my head and after he flung back and against the kitchen counter, another hard hit. Everything spun around me and I had black points blurring my vision, but I bizzarely felt no pain. I wasn’t able to realize why, I just thought it for one second before I heard some more punching noises and felt myself curl up to protect myself, or at least my stomach. But, no more hits came. Neither kicks or spitting on me, like it used to happen. Nothing.  
I dared to glance up but Tony was gone. I was gone. I wasn’t in the kitchen anymore…? Did he knock me out? Everything was so bright… hospit…  
Suddenly I was grabbed harshly, pulled up and brought back to my knees and knocked against a warm object. I opened my tear-stained eyes, but it was mostly dark, yet, no kitchen frame in sight. What did just…  
But it hit me fast.  
A by now well-known scent hit my nostrils and an interfering presence surrounded me. Then a voice appeared right besides my ear, speaking huskily. It send shivers down my spine when I felt his breath tickle my cheek.  
“You still owe me, Kay.”  
My mind went black.


	9. 9

It was dark and my head ached like someone drove over it with a car. I heard the wind swirling through the trees outside and branches knocking against the window frame. Apart from this, there was complete silence filling the room. All I recognized was my irregular breathing and the ticking of the clock. I felt myself sweating unboundedly and my clothes clinging to my body. When I reached beneath me I felt that I even sweated through the sheets. My eyes were wide in shock and I just stared at the ceiling. Slowly, I controlled my breathing and turned my head to the side. There was my nightstand with a lamp and a clock on it. 3 AM. Then, my gaze met the shit my body actually craved for. My eyes lingered on the plastic bag, or better said the white powder inside. I then closed my eyes again, trying to push my need out of my head and concentrate on why I woke up. Yeah. Right. The nightmare I just experienced. It felt so real and was full of things I was scared of. Though, things that might happen easily. With my amount of luck, Tony would find the ticket...  
I turned on my lamp, crawled out of bed and went to my bag. I opened the pocket on the inside and took the little black plastic card out of it. Snobby party, even paper tickets were too cheap for them. "31th of October, 8PM, City Hall" was written in red letters on the right. That was today. On the left was a creepy splattered monster - thing. Not really definable but seemed to be halloween...ish. I looked at the ticket for one more minute before I closed my hand around it and stood up, still breathing heavily. Unsure where to hide that little piece of misery I looked around my room. I eventually went over to my desk, took some tape and sticked it beneath the wooden board. That should do for now.  
After I made sure the ticket wasn't visible from anywhere in the room than beneath the desk itself (a place I doubted Tony would be at any time) I nodded to myself and went over to the nighstand again. I took the plastic bag, looked at it for some minutes, too, and opened the drawer so I could toss it inside. Not without another glace to it, but still. You might think now that I am an idiot. Well I am, but I did not start to take drugs in January at some certain point. I just started some weeks ago after one of my brother's friends threw it at me.  
"For free. Just like the old times", he had said and grinned at me smugly. Damn asshole. I wanted to refuse to take it, but I didn't dare to say one word with Tony around. So I just let everything happen. And now... I was getting numb more and more. Gosh, I hated it. I was about to get some kind of an episode when I reached the bathroom and got my working clothes. Holding everything in, I dressed in complete silence and grabbed my things. Wallet, keys, my bag, some clothes to change into... and the little plastic bag. It was safety to me. My rescue if things would get too bad. I closed the apartment's door behind me, went through the house in which you could here yelling and crying behind some doors and out of it. I decided to take the long way to work, just because. I needed some time to think and I gave no fvck if I'd be late. I was one of Green's best employees so he shouldn't be that hard on me. The whole way I was thinking about how to talk myself out of that party. I could say that I am not feeling so well, but Lia would probably throw some painkillers at me and say that it'd be better with some liquids. I sighed and pushed the diner's door open.  
Everyone was dressed with some artificial blood or something fitting to halloween and everything was decorated with bats and stuff. Though, our regular customers sat there, not even glancing at all this shit, and ate their food. I still didn't know why we kept all the decoration if nobody would even appreciate it but in the end, it wasn't my decision.  
"Kaaay!" Lia called for me while sprinting towards me.  
"How are you? Already excited? Today is the day! We will have so much fun, it'll be so awesome!" She cheered and I didn't even bother to reply anything except for a small nod. I just wasn't in the mood, so I went to the staff's room and put away my things before turning to work. I dealed with Lia beeing over-exited the whole day until 4 PM before I could finally leave. The diner closed and Lia and I were the only one left to clean up a bit.  
“Soo, you really don’t want to go?” Lia asked while we set the tables.  
“Never said that…”, I shrugged and went on doing my stuff.  
“Yeah but you seem… dunno”, she stopped talking and we cleaned in silence for some minutes.  
“What’s wrong Kay?, C’mon, why don’t you tell me?” she asked after a while and again, I shrugged in reply.  
“I’m just… hm. Well, let’s just finish this okay? It’s nothing.”  
She shot me a concerned look but stopped talking again, which I was thankful for. I didn’t want to explain anything. Though, I would have to explain my plans eventually.  
“Uuhm, Lia?” I broke the silence that had swept over us again.  
“Ya?”  
“I… You don’t have to take me with you. I mean, I’ll make it to the party myself. Have to do some stuff before”, I explained shyly and hoped she wouldn’t freak out. I mean, yeah, we planned to actually meet before we went there, but I really didn’t want her to see my ribcage, stomach or even arms while I changed. They were alle bruised and scratched. Tony seemed to lose himself more and more. I honestly think something’s going on at his. I just don’t know what, though he is getting more and more aggressive over the past month. Sure, he has some kind of anger issue, but it’s never been that bad. I eventually got that Lia didn’t reply anything to my request - or I just didn’t hear it again. So I looked at her, but she kept cleaning the tables and didn’t even glance at me.  
“Okay…?” I asked confusedly and she shrugged.  
“Sure. Let’s meet in front of the club, then?” she suggested and I nodded. Maybe she thought I would cancel anyways, so she was mad.   
“Of course, around 9?” I asked and her face lit up a bit. She knew that I wouldn’t cancel if we settled time. Yeah, she probably knew me well.   
“Sounds good”, she smiled a bit and, back in silence, we finished and set everything for the next day.  
_________________

Loud music was blaring into my direction. It seemed to be some kind of rock music, which was good for me. Still, it was damn loud and already drunk people moved around wavingly from side to side. Other’s seemed to rethink their last drinks in the near bushes and only a few people I spotted weren’t as drunk. I ducked a bit and tugged at my sleeves nervously. Then again, I remembered that I didn’t set a certain spot with Lia to meet at, so I tried to look over the crowd of people. I didn’t spot her and I wasn’t sure if she was aware of the mask I wore, so I texted her. Soon after, someone patted me on my shoulder. I turned around and was caught in a bearhug.   
“Kaay, you came!” I heard a slightly drunk her, muffled by the masks we were wearing. She pulled away and pointed to my mask.   
“Bloody Michael Myers. Niceeee”, she cooed and I laughed a bit.  
“Yeah, and you are a lame pumpkin. The hell?”  
“But I’m a damn sexy pumpkin!”, she laughed before turning her head as if she was searching for something. Then, she seemed to remember, grabbed someone behind her and nudged two people into my direction.  
The one waved a hello to me and I heard a male voice under it.  
“Yo, Kay, nice too see you again. It’s me, Chase”, he announced and I waved back when he pulled up his devil-zombie-something mask a bit. I recognized him and nodded.  
“Yeah, haven’t seen you around in a while. How are you doin’?” I asked him and we chit chatted a bit before the other guy interrupted us by also pulling up his mask.  
“Kaay, no hello to me or what?” Tyler asked and pouted. Soon, he grinned at me and pulled me into a hug. I giggled and whispered a hello while he squeezed the air out of my lungs.   
“Too…. tight…” I gasped and he let go, still laughing.   
“Sorry, just haven’t seen you in so long. It feels like ages!” he said and I giggled again.  
“Yeah, it was quite a bit”, I shrugged and he put his arm around my shoulder, dragging me towards the city hall’s entrance.   
“Got your tix?” he asked and I nodded, not sure what to do. So I just went along, listening to Lia and Chase behind us and rummaged around to find my ticket. When I finally got it I gave it to some security guy at the entrance. He was dressed up as a zombie. When he grinned, he exposed his white teeth and gave me back the little plastic card.  
“Have fun!”, he yelled over all those noises and we all nodded while squeezing past him and all the other people who stood in our way. Still, the music was blaring and got louder by every step I took into the building. Everyone was wearing a mask or was painted heavily, and for my taste it was way too crowded. But I kind of promised Lia that I would at least try to have some fun, so I would have to be more optimistic. I nodded to myself and we went into the main room, the biggest of all four in the hall.  
Well… let the party begin.


	10. 10

We had been here for some hours now, and the room began to spin around me. Everything was a bit blurry and I kind of knew I drank enough. Though, I felt like having another drink. It’s not like I planned to pass out or something, it’s more like I wanted to escape Tyler who was constantly flirting with me. Sure, it felt good that someone showed some interest in me and was really nice, but he came too close and I wasn’t in the mood. Yet, I stood with my friends and just let him wrap his arms around me the whole time.  
“So, what are you doing with your life, Kay? We havn’t seen each other for… what? A year or so?” Tyler asked and I shrugged in reply.  
“I’m still busy with work, saving my money for my own place or to attend some university.”  
“Really? What do you plan to study?”  
“Arts”, I explained and Lia smiled at me. She had taken off her mask since it was really warm in here, but I felt better with my mask on. I didn’t want to meet more people I knew.  
“So you are really thinking about it? Thought you are just kidding when you told me some weeks ago” , she said.  
“Well, no, I am considering it since drawing is the only thing that makes me feel free… or something like that. But universities are expensive and I’m not sure I can afford it.”  
“What about a scholarship?” Chase asked, joining in the conversation after getting himself and Lia another drink.  
“I don’t know if I’m good enough to get one…” I shrugged again and Lia threw some olive after me.  
“Stop that, you’re good. You really are, just try!” she ordered and I grinned shyly.  
“We’ll see”, I dropped the topic and listened to how Chase and Tyler discussed the latest football game, trying to avoid Tyler’s gazes and contingencies as much as possible.   
“I think I’ll get myself another drink”, I murmured after some time and turned on my heels as fast as possible so that Tyler wouldn’t follow me. Shoving myself through the crowded hall I ended up at the bar and tried to get the barkeeper’s attention. Everywhere were people and everything was so loud that he barely noticed me and it felt like forever before I finally got my beer. When I turned around to scan the crowd I wasn’t able to spot Lia and the others, so I tried to go back into the direction I guessed I came from. But, since everything looked the same in this hall it wasn’t surprising that I lost myself completely in this building. I sighed and took a sip from my beer, nearly drinking half of the cup. Maybe it was more than a small sip, but I didn’t care. I reached a level of being drunk by now on which I was feeling okay, so I danced a bit to the music, bobbing around on the balls of my foot. Standing between couples dancing close together I would normally feel weird, but I was a little bit off. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder and someone speaking into my ear.  
“Hey, you wanna dance, hun?” a masked male asked and I shrugged when he pulled me into him, dancing with me sliding his arms to my sides. I saw his brown eyes under the mask and I didn’t know why, but felt completely wrong in this situation. I wanted to shove him away, but then I spotted Tyler behind him, staring into my dircetion confusedly. So, instead, I laid my arms around the stranger who smelled way too much like liquids and sweat and hoped Tyler would get that little rebuff. Soon, the stranger pulled me even closer and pressed himself against me, which made me feel uncomfortable as hell and this time, I tried to shove him away but he held me tighter, hurting me.  
“What’s wrong, hun?” he asked in a scratchy voice and I shook my head to signalize him that I didn’t want this. Not sure if he simply ignored me on purpose or if he was too drunk to notice my attempts to flee, I tried to shove him away again, but just when I was one step away from him he pulled me against his chest and roared angrily in my ear.  
“I wanna have some fun, hun. C’mon…” He scared me and I winced, but again, he held me close and roared something into my ear I couldn’t understand. He then started to drag me towards the toilets, holding me violently. I looked around panicking and hoped someone would notice my little situation over here, but nobody seemed to. We were in a smaller hallway by now, which was still crowded, but emptier than the other rooms, and he dragged me past the people. I looked around again, but not Tyler nor anybody else I knew was anywhere near. When there were lesser people around but still music blaring loud enough to hide my attempts of talking him away, he dragged me against the wall and started to be all over me. I felt disgusted and right when I was about to shove him away again, he stopped and before I recognized anything more, his grip around my wrist loosened and he was gone. Instead of forcing me to anything more he was pushed into a near wall by some other guy. The new guy wasn’t that tall, but his lower arm was pressed into the guy’s throat and he spoke loud over the blasting music.  
“You haven’t heard her?!” he asked bitterly and now it was on my attacker to attempt shoving this guy away.  
“Don’t interrupt me, that’s none of your business, butthead!” he yelled back and freed himself. Then, he tried to punch the guy but he stepped aside and shoved his ellbow up to the attacker’s face. Even through the music I could hear the loud crack when the guy’s ellbow and the other one’s nose collided and I shivered because of what just happened. The one guy broke down, holding his nose and yelling undefinable curses at the other one, who didn’t care and came towards me. I pressed myself back into the wall and hoped he would be done, but instead he dragged me away from all the noises, through a door I was nearly sure it was just for the staff and let go of me when we ended in a backyard.   
“You okay?”, he asked in a deep voice and I nodded slowly. “I… I don’t think that…”   
I shivered and took a step back as he took one towards me. “Everything’s fine,” I cut him off and slung my jacket around my body. I glanced around, nobody was here and I was a bit scared of what he was about to do. I watched him while he breathed fast, slowly calming down.  
“Sorry, I didn’t want to scare you. I just… saw this guy and… you know, I wanted to help”, he explained and I noticed how his fists were clenched and his body was still tensed up.  
“I hate such guys, I wanted to break more than just his damn nose”, he muttered under his breath and I looked down on my shoes.  
“Th...thank you. But I assume it wouldn’t help that much.”  
He shrugged and looked around the backyard.  
“Ahh, I guess we’re at a place we ain’t allowed to be”, he chuckled a bit and raked his finger’s through his hair, resting his hand in his neck. I glanced at him, his mask was a mixture of… well, what was it? He wore a white mask, covering the majority of his head. It had two different sized holes for his eyes, a slit under his nose, a big one for his mouth and I wasn’t able to see his eyes. They laid in shadows or maybe there was something in front of them. Apart from this, it was like a blank face, featureless and quite hard to define.  
I nodded and turned to go when he spoke again.  
“How did that happen?”   
I turned back to him and was a bit confused. What did he care about?  
“Uhhm… I was a bit drunk and… well… none of your business“ I stuttered before I wanted to turn away.  
“Woah, sorry for asking. Just wanted to help ya”, he replied offendedly and I felt him staring at me.  
“Yeah, whatever…”, I mumbled. I was confused, drunk and ashamed so I snapped at him harsher than I intended to. Suddenly I was angry, not at him in particular, but I felt like wreaking my anger on this guy. I just had enough.  
“What, did I do something wrong?!” he asked and his voice had a hint of disbelief in it.   
“I … had everything under control, it’s okay,” I said tiredly and he snapped back instantly, tensing up again.  
“Well, sorry for helping then”, he blurted out and stormed towards the building, shoving past me.  
Soon I heard the door being slammed and winced a bit. I facepalmed myself and sighed. Well done, Kaelyn…   
I took out a cigarette and lit it, taking deep breaths but I wasn’t able to calm down. I felt like I was about to explode and soon I recognized that I needed something else. So, unsure if someone would find me out here since I wasn’t allowed to be around here, I went back inside and headed to the bathrooms, my fist clenching the transparent bag in my backpack.


	11. 11

I went into the bathroom nervously, a bit scared that someone would see me. I spotted two other girls, hanging at the sinks, chatting about some guys but they didn’t even recognize me and I was sure I wouldn’t know them. So, I pushed past them through the small room and to a mirror, leaning on the sink’s frame after putting my backpack by the faucet. I didn’t feel good, I was shaking and sweating under my thin clothes. As I looked into the mirror I realized how pale and dull my eyes looked through the mask. I turned on the water and let some cold pour onto my wrists, trying to wake me up. From the corner of my eye I watched the two girls who were clearly drunk, even more than I was.   
“He is soooo hot!”, the one girl said, gestured something in the air. The other one agreed, clapping her hands, loosing her balance and falling over nearly. She screamed a bit and errupted in laughter in which the other girl joined. Just when I thought about telling them to go the fuck away I heard someone flushing a toilet and a moment later another girl came out of one of the cabins. She smiled to the other girls, washed her hands and after they shot weird looks at me they went out of the small room, laughing about some boy.  
“Yeah but you know, he is actually- “ the door fell shut before I could hear anything more, but to be honest - I didn’t care. All I cared about was getting more drugs into my veins, making me feel better.   
I gripped the sink’s frame harder and closed my eyes, swearing to myself. I was a bit less drunk than before and it clearly hit me for the first time in the past hour or so. I had been nearly raped, the hell. And I didn’t even care about it. Sure, I felt disgusted, even dirty and still felt that asshole’s hands all over me. But I don’t know. I was so far down, I wasn’t sure if I could get out of this hole this time. Last time I made it, somehow, because of my own will… but this time something in me was destroyed, and I didn’t even know why. The knowledge that there were people who were in way worse situations made me feel guilty and angry at the same time. I couldn’t handle myself, but on the other hand I didn’t feel like I was allowed too feel as shitty as I did. But, the only thing helping me were those dumb drugs I had right with me. No person could make me feel as good as they did. I wondered if the other’s were already searching for me, but ended up not giving a fuck on that. Instead of going back to them, I just went to the bathroom’s door and locked it up, then going back to where I’ve been before. I slid down the wall, grabbing my bag while doing so and pressed it to my chest. So this is how I’d end? Being a damn Junkie?   
Thousand questions and thoughts popped up in my head, but all I could really think of was the white powder I craved for. I simply did not care about any other stuff.  
Sitting on the cold floor I searched my bag for the little package. As my fingers closed around it a stream of joy went through me and I pulled it out, together with some other thing’s I’d probably need. I got out some of the powder, spreading it evenly on some little plastic card. I then got out my fire, burning it properly until I felt like it was clean and redestributed it into two small heaps. Just when I lowered my head to this white shit, I heard a loud bang. The bathroom’s door bursted open and someone stumbled into the small, white room. At first I just saw some ginger hair, but when the guy lifted up his head and looked at me I saw the mask of the man who rescued me before… shit. With him entering the bathroom there was also louder music blaring in again, but it was still quiet enough so I could here him stumble.  
“Uhh… uhhm… wrong.. .wrong bathroom I’m sorry!”  
I felt his eyes on me and recognized the slightly drunk, dark voice from before.   
“Uhhm…” I wasn’t able to get out one word, my body stiffened. I wasn’t even able to hide the little card in my hand or the bag on my lap. “Uhhm…”  
“Hey, you are the girl from outside, right? The bitchy one”, he said calmly, but suddenly with a cold tone. I nodded slowly. He just wanted to turn away when his head lowered a bit and well, guess what? He spotted the stuff in my hands.  
I thought he’d just go away, leave me with my shit going on because at first sight, it appeared so. He then tensed up again, suddenly moving forwards and grabbed my wrist so I dropped my things accidently. He growled, but instead of saying anything he also grabbed my bag, not caring about the drugs that fell to the floor when he lifted me to my feet and dragged me along with him. Out of the bathroom, we went through dancing people and I didn’t even try to escape, I knew he wouldn’t let me. The colored lights were reflected by his white mask while I watched the back of his head, stumbling through the people he pushed aside. They looked annoyed but didn’t seem to care much. Of course, I asked myself what he was doing, but I already guessed that he’d throw me out of here. What else would he do? My sight spinned around a bit - maybe I was still more drunk than expected - but I concentrated on not falling into that guy as he angrily pulled me through the crowd and through some floors and doors. I didn’t even know where I was by that time, but then again, we ended in the small backyard we went the first time we met. The hell was he doing?   
After the door closed behind us and we stumbled down the small metallic stairs - well, I tripped down, he jumped - he let go of me. I gained back my balance, straightening up again while I heard him, throwing my bag to the floor. Not as if there might be important things in there. Idiot. I looked at him and he stared back at me for some seconds before he catched his breath.  
“THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” he yelled and I just stared at him, not able to answer. He seemed to wait for one, though. When he got that I wouldn’t say anything, he kept going, angrily, and his whole body tensed.  
“DAMN; You were nearly raped, didn’t seem to care and your first reaction is being bitchy and taking drugs? Again - The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. You?!” he bursted, growling the last part. Instead of thinking about some excuse, I watched him properly, scared what he would do to me. I had the strange feeling of knowing this guy, but that wasn’t possible. The only people I knew here were Lia, Chase and Tyler, and none of them were outside here, nor knew the building well enough to find here. Okay, Chase would, but he was with Lia all the time, sticking his tongue in her mouth and eating her lips off of her face. And for Tyler… nah, he was way taller than this guy here.  
“ANSWER ME!” the guy yelled again. Why on earth was he caring that much?!  
“Like I said before, none of your business!” I managed to say and he came a step towards me, rising his hand, turning away and punched into a wall besides us in the blink of an eye. I winced, shrieked and held my hands up in protection, which made him look back at me. I had shut my eyes so I didn’t see him calming down a bit, but his voice was way softer when he spoke again.  
“S...sorry, I just… I… did you think I’d punch you?” It was more a statement than a question, still I nodded hesitantly and opened my eyes slowly. I was aware that he wasn’t able to see my face because of the mask, but I was glad about it.  
“What is it that you feel like barging into my businesses?” I asked quietly, my hands still up in protection. But this time it was him who kept quiet.  
“I mean, what’s wrong with ya? I don’t even know you and you…”  
“I don’t know”, he interrupted me. “But since I saw you entering the room I felt like protecting you. You just have this… presence I… I … you are confusing me. And I don’t even know why you are bothering me so much”, he explained, a bit more warmth in his voice.  
I knew all the shit to charm the pants off of me from Tony, so when I would let down my hands he’d beat me up. But, as I did, the guy still stood there breathing heavily, staring at me through his mask. I looked at him in confusion and stood still. The only thing I thought was that he might hit me if I’d make any rapid movement. I felt his gaze on me before he spoke again.  
“I won’t hit you. I’d never hit a girl. Never,” he assured me and held his hands up in defense. I nodded again, calming down a bit and looked back at him though I wasn’t able to see much of his face. I didn’t even know what was wrong or why I felt like trusting this stranger, but I guess it was just too much at this eve and well, at least he wasn’t like the one from before.  
“So what is wrong? I am a stranger, just tell me. Maybe it helps”, he explained with a husky voice. I shook my head and gathered my thoughts, which was quite hard since my veins were dry of drugs, and spoke up.  
“I… don’t know. I just feel empty and.. don’t.. care”, I whispered and looked down onto my feet, then onto the wall he just punched and back at my feet, nervously. By now I felt sober again, my head ached though. I put my hand up to my face, but then I realized my mask again and just ripped it down. It was too hot under it, anyways, and it was getting on my nerves that I wasn’t able to breather properly. My thoughts raced on what more I could say, but then again, I didn’t know what to. When I threw my Michael Myers mask to the ground I heard the guy, who had turned away from me some moments ago, gasp. I looked up at him and funnily felt his eyes meet mine, though I still couldn’t see them.  
“Kaelyn?!” he asked, and as confused as I was I just stared.  
“Eh… wh… what? Who.. I mean… do I know you...I mean… ?”  
He slowly, maybe to not scare me, raised his hand and opened his mask’s bolt, gripping it and throwing it to the ground, too. That was the moment I teared up because of so many things. Because he was right - I was nearly raped tonight, yes. Because I was a damn junkie. Because I was so careless, I was so far down. Because I was empty. And because of all those feelings I saw in those damn blue eyes I had dreamed of for month now.  
How couldn’t I recognize him?  
How did I dare not to recognize his hoarse voice?  
“C...Corey?”


	12. 13

My voice cracked the moment I said her name. I never thought I’d be able to meet her again, but here we stood staring at each other speechlessly. She didn't look like I remembered her. She had lost weight. I recognized the large bags under her eyes like she hadn’t slept in days, if not weeks. She looked pale, her skin shimmered like porcelain in the dim light that danced over her face. Her hair was thin, hanging down in a mess, just like her whole body appeared to do. That wasn't the tough girl I had met months ago. I wondered what made her change to what was standing in front of me and I felt her unbelievingly staring right into me. Not able to do anything else I just stared back, her hazel eyes, once sparkling and enlightened while talking to me, were dull. Nearly hollow.  
“Kaelyn.” I tried pronouncing her name again, seeing her shiver. She dropped her head and the way her body tensed up this time, I knew she forced herself to hold back tears floating down her pretty cheeks. Slowly, as if not to scare her, I took a step towards her. When she didn't show any reaction I took another one, and another, until I stood just inches from her. She didn't even glance up at me. She just stood there and cried silently while my stomach twisted and I felt so unbelievably stupid. I yelled at her, I made her scared of me and now… well. Would I have been so sorry if it wouldn't be her? I wasn't quite sure, but I sure as hell wanted her to look at me. I raised my arm which had hung around defeatedly before and slowly lifted her chin. I wanted to look into her eyes so badly. I so wanted to see her again over the past month, my whole body craved for that girl I barely even knew. Where that came from? No idea.   
“Look at me…” I whispered when she shut her eyes close, still sobbing quietly.   
“Please…” I begged her when she didn't react, but she held onto her plan to just ignore me. Slowly, again, I laid my hands onto her shoulders and without really having a plan myself I just pulled her into me and held her as close as possible.  
“I'm sorry,” I whispered. And that’s what made her break down in my arms completely. She clung her fingers into my back, or rather the back of my black vest, and leaned her face into my chest. Heartbreaking sobs filled the cold air while she slowly sank to the ground, losing all her power in this moment. I tried to hold her and went down along with her. Holding back the urge to cry as well, I just held her close to my chest and moved her to the stairs where I sat down. I only let her go for one second before pulling her back into me again, placing her sideways onto my lap and wrapping my arms around her. I didn’t know what to say to her or what to tell her to calm her down. But, on the other hand, I didn't feel like there was one word necessary. Not yet.  
After a while we just sat there, her sobs came in slower intervals, her body seemed to relax a bit and her breathing eased slightly. I had rested my chin against her forehead and just waited, but then I slid my fingers into my chest pocket and took out two cigarettes. I held one in front of her face, slightly brushing her forehead with my stubble.   
“Kay,” I whispered again, making her eye lids flutter up this time. It nearly tore me apart but I hid it well under a weak smile.   
“Thought you'd want one, too…” I mumbled and gave her the cig while lightening mine. I held my fire towards her and she slowly grabbed it with shaking hands. Everything seemed so far away in this moment, there was nothing that could make me rush in this situation. Nor her.  
She shot me a small, thankful smile and lit her cigarette before holding my fire for some seconds. Her gaze laid on the small logo that was printed on it and her thumb stroke it as if she was scared to destroy something. A smile plastered my face when I saw her small fingers in contrast to mine, as I closed my hand around hers. The fire had been a gift from Zippo company since we had custom made some for the band… better said our fans. And since I never told her what I was working as… well, her mimic didn't give one hint if she had figured it out yet.  
“What. . . ?” she asked, unsure and uncomfortably shifting around.  
“Just thinking,” I replied, not sure on whether I should tell her the truth or not. But then again, I felt like I had something to do with this situation. With her situation. It was so quiet, but not in a bad way. I thought about how to tell her, about what to tell her and just when i thought I found the right words she pushed herself out of my embrace and stood up. From one moment to the next I felt the coldness around me and missed her body's warmth. I looked up at her. Not caring about how she had changed, she made my stomach flutter when I saw her face with billions of stars behind it, making her eyes look even more hollow. What was she doing?  
I saw her shivering a bit and stood up, too. Slipping out of my jacket I slid it around her shoulders, but as well known by now, she rejected me. Tearing me apart. Instead of showing her the pain I felt inside I just stepped closer and slid my jacket around her again, looking in her eyes forcefully.  
“Corey… I should go in,” she managed to say, breaking the silence again.  
“Why?” I smiled a bit hurt. I wanted her to stay.  
“Why not…? I shouldn't be around you. I am a wreck. I am no -”  
“Stay,” I interrupted her, leaning my forehead onto hers so she couldn't escape my gaze. I didn't know why and I still don't know where that came from. But months ago I had started to fall for that shy, snappy woman who lowered herself more than possible. I loved it when she smiled and I wanted her to do that more often. I wanted her eyes to sparkle mischievously and full of concern while talking to me, but also full of joy. I wanted her to look at me and nearly crash into the next table because she was too distracted from my gaze. I wanted to have the same effect on her as she had on me. I wanted her to open up to me and fight those shadows and the pain in her soul. And right in this moment I decided to make her feel alive again.  
“C’mon,” I said, grabbing her hand in mine again and pulled her back to the entrance.  
“Where are we going?” she asked with a hint of panic in her tone. I stopped in my tracks and turned around for a second.  
“Trust me.”   
I then just grabbed her and lifted her up the stairs before jumping up to follow her, taking the lead again. I didn't let go her hand for one second and rubbed tiny circles onto her thumb.  
“No more yelling or talking?” she joked half-heartedly, her reddened eyes still evidence to her crying before.  
“Later,” I lazily smiled, putting my hand on the small of her back and gently pushing her back inside the building.


	13. 13

It was weird. No, I felt weird. Corey’s hand on the small of my back felt like burning through my clothes, I still felt the tears drying on my cheeks and I barely knew why he wanted me to go back inside, back into that hell of noises and people. I was pretty confused, especially when, again, he led me away from the people and into a small room at the side of the building. The security man we met on our way shot me weird looks, but apart from that he just greeted and did not bother us being there. Because of the fact that more of the alcohol had left my system my head felt better again, but I still felt dizzy. Who on earth would have guessed that, especially at this place, I would meet the man who broke me without even knowing it? I did not. I stumbled along his lead and nearly got insane by my storm of thoughts and his hand on my back, but he didn't seem to notice. At the end of the room was another door and Corey held it up for me, releasing the warm air from the room and letting in the colder one from outside. We were at a side entrance of the building and obviously, he wanted me to go out again. Now that even less alcohol circled in my system I was able to feel how cold it really was and started shivering again. But I also recognized the clear and starry sky. I tugged Coreys’ jacket closer around my shoulders and inhaled his godlike scent after months again. I tried to fight it but it felt like someone just lifted me up into the night’s sky. Corey, who was just one step behind, suddenly loosened his grip which made me feel cold. He then went past me and crossed the huge parking lot we stood in. I looked around and only saw cars i couldn't quite afford even if I would save my money for the rest of my life. Well, maybe if I would just eat fruits and nuts I could find in a near forest or so. The hell. As I lifted my head up from those cars and scanned the lot, Corey was gone. I stood there with big eyes and unsure what to do, dumbfounded like never before. Just seconds later one of those cars made his way through the others and stopped in front of me, darkened windows. Still confused I watched it properly and after some seconds the driver pulled down the nearest window and a slightly grinning Corey watched me.  
“Ya comin’ ?”  
I nodded lazily and opened the door; throwing my bag into the back I let myself fall into the seat tiredly. Corey started the car again and drove to the exit slowly, stopping the car in front of the street and turning to me.  
“You wanna go home?” he asked, his voice showing hints of a sad touch. Ignoring that I felt like total shit and just wanted to sleep, my brain decided to restart and worked better than I expected. My brother was at this so called home. He would beat the shit out of me, maybe he would also attack Corey. And letting that alone, my apartment in fact was in the most criminal and worst part of town. I would not, for fuck’s sake I could not, confess that to this guy, sitting in his fancy car and coming from a fancy party.  
“I… just. Can you bring me to the nearest motel or so?” I asked shyly and Corey shot me a weird look. At least I had gotten back my voice, though it cracked at the end. Corey simply started the engine again and turned right, out of the street and followed the next one. He stubbornly looked onto the streets and didn’t bother to say one more word to me. Did I do something wrong now? I drew my attention out of the window and onto the flashing city lights. Most lightning shop signs were turned on the whole night so even now, whatever godless time it was, the city was artificially bright and surrounding. I let the buildings blur into another from the speed and wash away until I spotted something. At first I was just speechless. And then, my confusion slowly turned into anger.  
“The hell, that was the second motel you passed without even thinkin’ bout slowing down.” I stated and turned to Corey who still just looked onto the streets. His breathing was low, somehow.  
“Corey?” I stretched out my arm but stopped halfway. I had no idea what was going on in his head right now. He sped up the car and I still looked at him, he avoided me.  
“Corey…” I whispered and he shook his head.  
“I will not let you spend your night in a dirty Motel. If you don't wanna tell me where you actually live I’ll take you to my place. Besides, you don't know where I am living so you won't get any drugs around there so easily,” he snapped but was controlled at the same time. He kind of scared me with that because I never ever heard him talking like that before. Heavy silence layed over us after and I felt him watching me from the corner of his eyes. I kept quiet, there was nothing left to say for now.  
He started slowing down about fifteen minutes later when we were outside of the town; big houses, nearly villas lined the streets we drove through and I could tell that this was no part of the town I would ever take a step into. At least not voluntarily. He drove through some more unfamiliar streets for some more minutes before he went slower again, pulling into a gravelled driveway. When he stopped the engine everything was quiet. He stared out of the window as far as i could tell and I just stared at my hands which I had folded into my lap. I then heard him getting off the car and shutting the door noisily. The gravel scrunched beneath his weight and eventually I heard him opening my door. Hence, I found enough courage to look at him again. He smiled. He smiled? Why on earth did he… woah, whatever. At the moment he just appeared like any woman having her menopause, after all this mood changes. And I wouldn’t complain for him giving me a roof over the head - at least for tonight. By then I realized that Corey had offered me his hand and the moment I grabbed it more than unsure he pulled me out of the car, grabbed my bag and closed the door behind me. He than grabbed my hand again and gently dragged me along. Did he enjoy that? Damn, I bet he did, lord, look at his devilish smile. I hope he didn't mind me fainting at any second. Like he was reading my mind, Corey let go of my hand one second later but lead me with his hand on the small of my back again. This time he was leading me towards the house I figured was his, and by now the gravel scrunched beneath both our weights. But, before reaching the entrance I couldn’t hold onto me anymore and blurted out the first question that was on my mind.  
“Why have you been at this party?” I whispered and though my ears felt damaged from the blasting music before it was still hearable. I heard him chuckle behind me while he still was leading me, his hand placed at the same spot.  
“Well, this kinda was my party,” he casually answered giving me this duh-tone of voice. I wasn't sure wether to laugh or cry about this, but now that I finally realized he was not one of my dreams - or nightmares in first place - I felt chaos inside me. A hurricane blew through my head and shattered every thought I have had before and a cold hand ripped out my heart. Or pinned it with nails. Whatsoever; it was hurting like hell.  
“What do you mean?” I said, still following his directions and not willing to look at him.  
“Uhm. My… colleagues and me… are… uhm. We kinda… let's just say we sponsored this,” he explained, scratching his head and shoving his free hand into his pocket. I dropped my head a bit.  
“That is not really an answer, is it?”  
Corey stopped suddenly and grabbed my arm so I would not run away. He spinned me around gently and shook his head, shoving his hand even deeper into his pants’ pocket, if that was possible.  
“Okay listen, Kay. I… I am not sure if I can really tell you. I mean you just left me behind in this alley and yelled at me and… left me like I did something to you which I clearly did not. And still I felt like shit, okay?” he slightly raised his voice, stressing his words. He locked his eyes with mine and I felt the tears coming up again, my eyes watered and I swallowed hard to find my voice.  
“Corey -”  
“No, I said listen,” he interrupted, hissed and shoved his other hand into his pocket, too.  
“I am glad you came to this party. Maybe with friends who should have given more than a fuck about you and most certainly with wrong intentions of yours. I mean damn, how much of drugs was that? But that I found you… Like I said before, I had this sense of protecting you the minute you entered the hall when I spotted you. And when I saw this guy with his … dirty… disgusting hands and… you saw what happened. I felt like doing more than breaking his nose and maybe some ribs. Good lord,I hope I at least broke some of those. And I did not know that it was you back then. And screw me for not recognizing your voice. But I found ya and… I am not good in such things but what I actually wanna tell ya is that I wouldn't have had the balls to enter this diner ever again... so I would have never been able to get my shit together such as all those thoughts about ya… I didn't sign up for dreaming of you all day and night long, okay?!” he hissed, pulling his hands out of his pockets and gently pressing them against his temples. Still, he looked at me and his intense eyes were showing more emotions than ever before. We stopped right before the door and he took some steps towards me. At first I wanted to step aside to let him unlock the door, but before I could finish this thought he pinned me against the frame and came closer.  
“What are you doing to me, lil’ girl?” he asked in a husky, low voice and I shivered. Not sure if I still had enough liquor in my blood cycle to deal with that situation I just stared at him. He wasn’t that tall, but he still was at least half a head taller than me. There we were again, staring into each other’s eyes until the first one of us would give up. Just that it felt totally different this time. It felt more intimate, more expressive. Before I could really process what he just rattled down and what he was really saying I felt it. I felt him. Our lips collided and I felt how his soft lips touched mine with such force but so gentle at the same time. My eyes fluttered close and all I could think about was him, he emptied my head and I felt my reaction, how I kissed back without thinking twice. He caressed my cheek with his right hand and placed his other hand at my hip, pulling me closer. His body was giving me so much warmth, his kiss made my stomach turn upside down and fall to the ground. It felt like swarms of a thousand butterflies twirled around in it and I moaned into his mouth. I’ve been waiting for this here, for that excact moment, way too long.


	14. 14

If you grew up with nothing you do not believe in much. It's not like you do not want to. You just can not. There are certain people in your live who never leave you, for better or for worse, and others who just sell you out if the time is right. They let you down sooner or later.  
I have learned that. I remember those times I was younger when I trusted people and they broke me in two. They shattered and tore my heart and mind. I was so close to the edge… it was no surprise that I slipped. Falling from a normal household and life into the perks or being homeless at one second to another is something that may break you. Being left by your brother for drugs may break you. Begging for a few cents for food, burying all your dignity may break you. Being hit and spit on by the one person you have left probably breaks you. After everything went down for us, we were not as close anymore and Tony changed, falling away from me. And I survived on my own. Until I got into drugs too. After all, they broke me. It was not easy to learn to stand your point in a brutal and dirty world. To care for yourself because your family is gone. Neither was it easy to build up these walls around myself. They saved me every now and then, they make me keep going because I could not do it with people looking behind my facade. The world I grew into made me believe that there ain't no things like love or peace. It taught me about strength and darkness and the fact that you can loose everything in the blink of an eye. I grew up with anger and sadness in my guts, used to being let down and people walking over me. I knew I was a no good. Every time I seemed to be able to break those chains around my body, freeing myself and getting clean, I fucked up. I may not have ended up in alcohol, true. I ended up worse, sinking needles into my skin and pushing hallucinogens through my veins, pumping it through my body. I only hurt myself to feel anything. I went through so much shit and I never had anybody to turn to. Not just because I shut everyone out, but because let's be honest - who would have wanted an obvious junkie? It is nothing but a fact.   
Still, there I stood. In Corey’s hallway, his forehead leaned against mine, both of us breathing heavily. His fingertips caressed my cheeks and I felt how red they must have been, but I did not want to open my eyes. A comfortable silence fell over us the moment we broke the kiss, trying to catch our breath after what happened outside. We kissed. Damn, we kissed. But it was a good thing. It felt good, at least. I have never felt so much emotions through a kiss, I never even got why people would really do that. The times I kissed somebody it was not a big deal, it was simple. Though… this kiss was everything but simple. It tore my body apart and made me feel whole at the same time, I felt every single fiber in my body. My blood boiled and my stomach turned and this was not from the drugs. They had left my cycle hours ago and they were some chemicals stimulating my system. This was pure. It was real. This was the feeling of two worlds colliding. I felt Corey’s warmth encasing me. Everywhere his hands found my skin it burned like he shot a thousand volts through my skin, even through my clothes. He still held me, his hands cupping my face and his thumb trailed down my cheek, my jaw line. His rough fingertips, touching my bottom lip. As much as I wanted to cherish this moment by absorbing all the things I felt, I could not hold myself back from opening my eyes. They felt heavier than normal, sedated like my whole body. The only thing I could concentrate on was Corey. Well, whom else? It was not for the first time that his eyes struck me. I guess I rambled about them more than enough. But right now they looked so deep into my soul, reached my darkest places and seemed to brighten every angle and bring light into every twisted corner in my head. Corey’s eyes twitched from my eyes to my mouth and back up while his mouth jerked into a winning smile.  
“Finally I see ya smilin’ again. Saw somethin’ you like?” he whispered and let out a small chuckle, his warm breath hitting my lips. I had not recognized my smile until he mentioned it, and though I felt quite stupid now it grew even wider. Gosh, I acted like I teenage girl. Not like that was something new around Corey. When I tried to speak my voice failed so I just nodded and blushed. I wanted to look away to stop myself from longing for his lips on mine again, but before I could really turn away his grip around my cheeks tightened and he searched for my eyes again.  
“Don’t,” he whispered again, his head lowering to mine until his velvet lips met them again, intertwining until I deepened the kiss and it was nothing but a melee and I felt him grinning into the kiss before he broke it, leaning his head against mine for a second time. Still, I did not want to say a thing. I wasn’t willing to break the magic yet, though I did not mind him speaking. His hoarse voice was angelic. Well, I did not want to break the moment, but my stomach decided otherwise when he grumbled loudly, bringing both of us back into reality. Sort of. Corey laughed and hugged me tight before he took a step back, shutting the frontdoor which was, though none of us noticed it before, wide open.  
“Ah, something distracted me here,” Corey mumbled and I chuckled, which made him smile again. He slammed said door shut and took my hand without hesitation, immediately sending butterflies through my stomach. I smiled shyly and looked down to the ground while Corey lead me through his house. Incapable of collecting my thoughts I was so busy that I did not even recognize him bringing me into an open wide room until he seated me on a black leather chair. Seemed like a kitchen that was not used regularly. But it’s design was awesome. A black marble kitchen counter surrounded a white sink. A cooking island was in the middle of the room, the stove on it. Right hand was an oven and a frirdge and some cooking utensils. The cooking island was extended and merged into a dinner table with those leather chairs posed around. Adoring the kitchen and following my train of thoughts when I felt arms wrapped around me from behind. “Stop zoning out.” he mumbled into my ear and kissed my cheek before he went over to the fridge and pulled out some cardboard box.  
“Pizza?”   
Well, that was quite the change of subject.


	15. 15

“So, what are we gonna do now?” Corey broke the silence that had fallen over us again. We sat across from each other at the kitchen table, waiting for the pizza to be done. He held my hand and rubbed light circles on it with his thumb. His red hair once gelled to the back hung around messily now. But he looked so good. I fixed my gaze on him and shrugged.  
“I don’t know.” I sighed. “I don’t even know how this here happened.” I smiled slightly at the thought of his lips on mine and saw him smirk as well. That crooked smirk of him I liked so much.  
“I do.” he chuckled and I rolled my eyes at him in response.  
“Yeah, bet you planned that for a month. What else.”   
“I did,” he simply replied, sticking out his tongue at me.  
“Oh, sure. Speaking of a month ago… can I ask you something?”  
Corey looked at me suspiciously but shook his head yes.   
“Shoot,” he said after some seconds and grabbed my hand a bit tighter, making me smile wider. I never thought I would sit down with him, holding hands. Neither did I thought I would ever see his kitchen… house… feel his lips. But here I was, rambling about this stuff.  
“Uhhm… you remember that one day … you know, the day after which you never came to the diner again?”  
His smile vanished and something sad clouded his bright eyes. I just hoped I would not destroy this now. Whatever ‘this’ was.  
“Yeah,” he replied calmly and I looked down onto our intertwined hands.  
“I… I’m just wondering what’s been going on. You were in such a bad mood and then you suddenly hugged me and… I don’t know. Just curious, I guess.” Trying to explain myself I looked around and everywhere but him. Maybe I should let the past stay the past but it seemed important to me. I know I as well fucked up, but his bad mood earlier that day hurt me. Besides, back then it felt right to keep up my walls. But now I just wanted to know what was up with him and what had crossed his mind when we stood in this alley. Or when he sat in the diner with his friends. While I tried to mentally justify my actions to myself, I did not even recognize that Corey rummaged around in his pockets until he placed a small object in front of me. A lighter. The one he lit our cigs with earlier at the party. I looked at him questioningly and arched my eyebrow.  
“Wha-”  
“Take a look at it,” he cut me off calmly and I took it into my free hand, turning it and looking at the motive that was engraved.   
“Slipknot?” I asked baffled. Gosh, this man confused me so much. Was that even normal? But when I looked back up he was grinning again.   
“Yeah, you know them?”   
“Uhh yeah, sure. They’re awesome. Don’t know many of their songs, though.” I shrugged again. His grin grew wider.  
“Thanks.”   
“Wait, wh…” I tried to say but broke off mid-sentence. There was silence again, but this time it was caused by me staring at him with my mouth gaping. He chuckled and eventually the signal of our pizza being ready to eat brought me back to close my mouth. He stood up, bend over the table and gave me a peck on my mouth, distracting me by making my stomach jump. He then went to the oven grinning and I turned the chair, following his actions with my eyes.  
“Wait. Corey. I mean. What the hell?” I asked. That was not possible.  
“You are a member of Slipknot?”  
“Wanna google it?” As if this news were not a big deal he chuckled and took the food out of the oven, spreading it’s delicious smell.  
“You gotta be kidding me.”   
Corey turned around and my disbelieving face made him laugh heartily. At least one was having fun right now. While I kept on staring at him he took the pizza from the baking sheet and flipped it on a plate, making a hissing sound when he burned his fingertips on the hot crust, which made me crack a smile on the other hand. Served him right. That jerk. He could have… he should have told me earlier. Or warned me, at least. Though it did not really explain his manners. Corey stuck out his tongue again, bringing the plate to the table. But instead of sitting down he pulled me up out of sudden and held me with his arm around my waist.   
“Let’s continue this in the living room, dear.” As I wanted to say something he looked at me wickedly and the next thing I know was him, throwing me over his shoulder and making me scream. He carried me through his house as if I did not weigh a pound and I felt him holding back his laughter as I complained that he should let me down again.  
“Corey, I swear! Let go off me, the fuck!” I squealed at him. I did not see where we were but he shrugged.  
“If you say so.” With that he threw me in front of him which made me squeal again until my back collided with soft cushions, leaving him laughing off his ass.  
“Butthead.” I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest whilst laying across the black leather couch he threw me on. His laughter died and he looked at me sternly. Suddenly, he put down the plate onto the little glass table in front of said couch and threw himself onto me.   
“What did ya just call me?” he asked totally seriously but I shook my head no.  
“Didn’t say a thing.”   
“Oh really…” he murmured in my ear, making me shiver, and before I knew he attacked me by tickling my stomach, making me jump. I started to laugh until he reached my rip cage and a sharp pain made me hiss. Corey abruptly stopped and lifted himself off of me, watching me alarmedly.  
“Did I hurt you?”   
I shook my head no again, sitting myself up and trying not to hiss again. Damn it, I totally forgot about that. Shit. Avoiding his gaze I took the plate of food onto my lap and stuck out my tongue to Corey this time.  
“Since you don’t seem to care about the pizza, it’s mine now.”  
“I think you misunderstood something there, lady,” he grinned but I could still see the concern in his eyes. Ahh, time to change the subject again.  
“So, mister Slipknot… nice play, but you still didn’t explain yourself. Hence…?” The remaining sentece hung in the air and Corey shifted awkwardly. He grabbed a slice of food and took a bit, chewing on it for a minute or so, probably collecting his thoughts.  
“Hmm.” he swallowed. “I was damn pissed that day because right before we went to your diner because I annoyed the others with it, I’ve been told that we would start touring at the week after this. The new record was done and it was released so it was about time. I knew that, but I just… you know.” he stopped explaining and I watched at him curiously.  
“Nope, I don’t.”  
He groaned as if he did not want to say anything more but eventually, he did.  
“I wanted to see you.” he stated and lowered his head, making me laugh. That man who drove me nuts over the past month and was so confident was getting shy now and blushed because of confessing this? Before I could say more he lifted his gaze again and watched me.  
“But, same question to you. What drove you that day, Miss?”  
I shrugged and chewed on my slice of pizza as well, letting him wait just like he did to me.  
“I wanted to keep up the walls I built with so much force.” I told him and that curiousity came back to his eyes.  
“What made you change your mind?”  
“Uuhhm… you?”  
Corey grinned at me with a joy I have never seen in his eyes before and with that, we just continued eating our pizza and cherishing each other’s company.


	16. 16

“Kaelyn?”  
Half asleep I forced myself to reopen my eyes when Corey spoke to me, his own voice drowsy and hoarse. After we finished eating we just cuddled together on the large couch and he had thrown a blanket over us, laying his arm around my waist and placing his chin on my head. Some lame horror movie was on TV and since both of us were too lazy and tired to search for the remote we decided to watch it. I nearly fell asleep though, Corey didn’t seem to handle it much differently.  
“Hmm?” I forced myself to answer. His chest was way too comfortable to not fall asleep on it.  
“Uhh.. we should… go to bed. You can.. I mean. I’m gonna sleep on the couch if you -”  
“Nah, If one of us sleeps on the couch I’ll do that.” I cut him off yawning, not wanting to steal his bed from him.  
“As if.” he stated and got up rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. I missed his warmth instantly, but he turned around to me after switching off the Television and held out his hand. Yawning loudly I grabbed it while getting up, too, and Corey kissed me on the forehead before he embraced me tightly. He then let go off me and directed me upstairs not letting go of my hand. He was so sweet, I still could not believe that any of this was real. And he was a Slipknot member? I shook my head unwillingly at that thought and realized he was talking to me.  
“Bathroom is on the right, across the bedroom. I… you want some PJ’s? They’ll probably won’t fit you but uhh…” he stumbled over his own words and I nodded, feeling the heat rising to my cheeks.  
“Would be great, thanks.” He nodded and whispered a “Gimme a sec” before he disappeared into his room. I heard him opening a wardrobe or something and some seconds later he came back into the corridor, handing over some clothes. I thanked him again and went into the bathroom. I watched him and gave him a drowsy smile again when I turned around, then I shut the door close. I roamed over to the sink, washing my face. But, looking up into the mirror made me look away instantly. I looked so fucked up. Then again… taking another look I saw excactly what I had seen at the party earlier. But there indeed was a slight difference that fascinated me. My eyes weren’t as hollow anymore. They looked like they belonged to a living person again…  
I sighed. Maybe he really was good for me. I struggled with my inner demons, standing there. How could I know what the next day would bring? It scared me, that lack of knowledge. What if he decided otherwise tomorrow and abandoned me? Maybe he realized right now that he picked up a straying junkie and let him into his house? I supported myself with my hands on the sink’s frame, trying to get rid of this saddening shit my head was telling me. No, Corey was smart. He knew what he was doing, or at least appeared like it. I nodded to myself reassuringly and turned to the clothes I had layed down on top of a small wooden cupboard that was placed opposite the shower, picking them up. I wondered if Corey would mind me taking a short shower but decided against it since I did not want to be inpolite. Could do that tomorrow - better said today - morning and I wasn’t the only one of the two of us, smelling like liquor and smoke. I yawned again and changed my clothes, enjoying the ginger’s smell, folded my black jeans, Ramones-tee and jacket neatly and layed them down on the laundry basket so they wouldn’t be in one’s way. I then went back to the mirror and raised the shirt a bit, inspecting my bruises. They did not look that awesome and worried me a bit. Hopefully they would be better in the morning. When I touched them slightly the pain set in again, making me gasp. It was nearly unbearable. But a knock on the door distracted me.  
“Kaelyn, you okay?” I heard Corey and nodded before I realized that he wasn’t able to see me. So, I went and answered the door, opening it slightly. He instantly grinned when he saw me.  
“See, I told ya they wouldn’t fit.” he chuckled and I looked down at me. Yeah, he was right; his clothes hung loosely around my thin frame. I turned my attention back to Corey who had also changed into his PJ’s and smiled.  
“What, complaining I ain’t as fat as you?” I yawned again and saw how he held himself back from replying something, probably having regards to my weariness. Or his. Who knows.  
“Lil’ jerk.” he mumbled and stepped out of the doorframe so I could go into his room.  
“No shit.” I replied with the same attitude and tried to strut past him. He watched me for a second and hugged me from behind then, pecking my neck.  
“Hust hush,” he mumbled again, then yawned and pushed me to his bedroom gently, resting his head in the crook of my neck. I followed his directions grinning widely.  
“Let’s go to sleep.” Corey said when we arrived, then released me and strolled to his side of the bed. Raising the sheets he hopped into the king-sized bed and patted onto the spot besides him. I followed him in after him, curling up at his side, feeling like I would float around in these soft fabrics. But, laying on my side I watched out the large window. The white moon shone through and lit up the room with it’s white light. Then, Corey hugged me tightly from behind again, placing his mouth on the side of head and intertwined our fingers over my stomach. He accidently brushed my rip cage again, not knowing what it looked like. Which was good. I held back the urge to hiss or cry out of pain and concentrated on him instead.  
“Stop thinking and sleep, dear. We’ve got to’ve a talk tomrrow.” he spoke with a slurred voice and soon after I snuggled into his chest his breath slowed down and he was deep down in the world of dreams. It did not took that long and I followed him.


	17. 17

I have never slept so tight in the past months. I can not remember if I ever slept this good at all. After all that happened I have always been in a bad mood. No, bad mood would not describe that properly. It was worse. I pissed off everyone and I know that touring with me must have been hell on earth this time. Literally, I escalated so quick, sometimes my bandmates would not want to talk to me for days. Especially if I yelled at them after they actually just tried to lift my mood. Of course, I knew they tried. But making fun of me being absorbed in thoughts of that ‘sweet doll from the diner’ did not really help. Not at all.   
But now I woke up, holding her in my arms, her smell calmed me and I could not hold back grinning into her hair. She still layed snuggled against my chest and breathed regularly. Every time she breathed she would blow away some of the hairs that fell into her face. In this moment, all she did was looking so damn angelic and peaceful. I enhanced my embrace around her, trying not to wake her. I still was not sure what drove me yesterday. I remembered how I had been fooling around with Chris, Sid and the others. Everyone had had a few, some maybe one too many. But all in all it had had been relaxed, even my mood had been okay. Then I had got this weird feeling. Okay, true, could have just been my bladder. That or something else, but still I had had the urge to go out of the VIP room we had been in. Seconds ago I had been in the brightest mood and suddenly I just wanted some fresh air. And to take a piss, whatever. But instead of going to the restroom that had been near to our lounge I had strolled down into the main area in which the party went on. People had been cheering, yelling and dancing everywhere, loosing their minds. Something had continued to drag me through the crowd and into some hallway until I had seen her. I mean, I did not really see her, I just had seen that guy having his hands all over a woman dressed as michael myers. She had seemed to have problems getting rid of him and my sanity had told me to help, so I did. I had not really processed what had happened when she had suddenly snapped at me, so I just turned away and went to get more drinks. The weird thing was that Kaelyn had appeared on my mind out of nowhere, but I had dispelled it. I had not seen her for months and this should not ruin my eve again. After I had gotten way too wasted I eventually went for the restroom, totally ignoring Mick and Jim who had been making some jokes and playing stupid games. Again it had dragged me into the big hall. Still not knowing why, I had followed the signs to the restroom there. Actually, I should have known that this was a bad idea. The toilets there would have been full of vomit and piss, I kind of knew that. Then… well, seems like I had been so wasted that I had not even seen that I had been running for the lady’s room which was locked. I really thought it was the men’s, and I had also been thinking that the door would just… jam. I think I broke it... and then there had been that Michael Mayers girl crouched up on the floor, a bag of cocaine or something in her hand… dude, I instantly knew how far down she had had to be. I’d been there way too long. Whyever it happened, I had been so pissed at her that I started to yell, I had then dragged her outside… and then I had found out who she was. That the girl I had had dreams of for months suddenly stood in front of me and I did not even recognize her before. All I could think of was saving her. Yes, her body had changed. And her eyes. They were so empty yesterday…  
Laying in my bed with her in my arms I slightly shivered despite the warmth Kaelyn gave off of her. But then again, I relaxed. The moment I had embraced her in my arms I felt how her frame built up again, her eyes got back the sheen I loved so much.  
I felt Kaelyn shift around in my arms so she faced me, her breathing had changed.  
“Hey love,” I whispered and felt the goosebumps arising on her skin. I held back a small chuckle, loving the effect I had on her. She probably did not even see that she had the same on me, though. I heard her mumble a small “hey” into the pillow. She sounded exhausted… but that was probably because of her body being empty of the drugs she would long for over the next days… but I was still concerned about something else. That pure expression of pain she had on her face tonight, not mentally but physically. I was sure it was something about her body, because the addiction would not set into this state this fast. Otherwise I would have understood that it might have been non-physically. I needed to talk about this with her. Just… not yet.  
I layed on my back and pulled her towards me so she was laying half on my chest and half on the bed, holding her with my arm. Sliding my free hand under my head to steady it I felt her eyes on me.  
“You hungry?” I asked and yawned and felt her shaking her head no soon after.  
“Not really, you?”   
“Nah… maybe a bit. But for now I just wanna lay down here with you.”  
_________  
So, Kae and I decided to stay in bed for a while longer. We went to sleep around 4AM, maybe. Which caused us to wake up around noon and lay around lazily until 2PM or so. Eventually we got hungry, though, so we moved into my kitchen in which I made some bacon and eggs for us while she watched me and complained about how unnecessary it was and that she wanted to help me.  
“Why can't you just be happy about your boyfriend cooking for you?” I smiled and stopped dead in my tracks. Did I just called her my girlfriend? I guess…   
Feeling her eyes on the back of my head and hearing her shifting around I cleared my throat and tried to just… yeah, what did I try actually?  
“I mean boyfriend like… uhhm… you know… I just thought that… you know…” Wait, man. Why was I stuttering around now? Was not that what I wanted for us? For me? Fuck, I needed more sleep. But now I was scared as fuck about what she would reply. I mean, we did not really know that much of each other. I did not even know her last name. Or where she lived. For fuck’s sake, I did not even have her number. I felt my own body tense up and tried to keep my hands from shaking when she did not reply a thing. She just kept quiet. If I catched her so off-guard now that she would run, I would not wonder. There were reasons people called me the great big mouth, though they mostly did it because of other events. Fucking prematured, man. So friggin prematured. Eventually, I turned around to her. Since I had drowned in my sorrows about beeing too much of a dork again, I did not even recognize that she has got up and stood right in front of me now. Smiling warmly. Wait; that was a good sign, wasn't it? But her smile washed away my bad thoughts and infected me to smile as well.   
“You meant what you just said, Mr Slipknot?” she asked and I nodded, still a bit insecure. I felt like going for a joke but somehow I knew this would not help. Besides, I wanted to hear her answer.  
“Sooo… it’s… unofficially official now?” I asked.  
“That you are cooking for me? Absolutely.” She stuck out her tongue and exposed her teeth while smiling even brighter. Oh great, now she was going for the joke. Tzz. In one move I threw the cooking spoon on the kitchen counter and pulled her towards me, pressing her thin frame agains my chest. I then kissed her deeply. After some seconds I pulled away a bit. Not like I wanted to break the kiss but I was scared I would let burn the food if I would get too lost in her.  
“Yeah what else…” I mumbled against her mouth and shook my head.  
“No really… I … do you… uhhm… just say yes.” I spoke a bit louder this time, a bit more confidence in my voice. Again, she smiled but closed her eyes as if she had to think about it. When she opened them again, her hazel eyes looked different.  
“I’d love to…” she whispered and my stomach jumped, my chest felt like it would explode in a million pieces. Now i could not hold back the urge to grin like a maniac. Though, when I wanted to kiss her again, she took a step back, holding my hands.  
“But not yet.”   
She totally shocked me and this time, my heart stopped for a second and my guts twisted. So I rushed it…? I felt how my face dropped and she seemed to see it too, because right then she hurried up to explain herself.  
“Corey, listen. There is nothing else I would love as much as being with you. But for now, I wouldn't know if it could even work bef-”  
“We have to try!” I cut her off, my voice coming out to be calmer than I expected. But she shook her head no.  
“That's not what I mean. I … maybe this sounds dumb. But Corey, I want… no, I need to get clean first. You saw me yesterday and as much as I wanted to avoid this topic there is no way we can just ignore it. I don't want you to waste your time with a junkie, you deserve something better. But maybe I can become better for you. So if you can wait for a bit longer... “   
While explaining that she was looking onto our hands or the floor at first. Eventually she looked up at her last sentences and I saw how she forced herself from mentally taking a step back from what we had built. I stared at her and slowly, my head processed the words and what they meant. A probably sad smile occurred on my face, but soon it grew wider.  
“I don't deserve you at all, love. And you are perfect, for me. But if that’s the way you want it... fine…” I said and slowly pulled her back into my embrace. Good lord, I just could not let my hands off of her.  
“But you can't deny me this…” I mumbled and kissed her again, trying to make her feel all the emotions I felt in this moment and all the things that had built up inside of me. The joy about having her back, about being with her. The slight sadness, the confusion about my own feelings for a person I did not really know. But one thing was for sure. I let her feel how much I had already fallen for her.


	18. 18

Somehow, I started to become more confident around him. Corey and I sat down in the living room for a bit after we may or may not have had a little make out session which I had to stop eventually. Honestly I did not want to, but I really tried to stand my point there. He was so pleasant and awesome that I felt like I would not deserve him. But when I tried to tell him he just ignored it and started to kiss me again. Until this day I do not even understand what he sees in me, or at least saw then. But he stood his point too - that he wanted to keep me around.   
So, while sitting in the living room, we talked about nearly everything. Nearly. He started to ask weird questions like what my favorite color or animal was and I did not really see the sense in it. But within no time I felt comfortable when he told me that he just wanted to really know me, not just the waitress in that diner and the funny feeling of wanting to know even the smallest thing about him appeared on my mind as well.   
But it was quiet now since we both seemed to be lost in our thoughts. Though, for me there weren’t much thoughts I could focus on, mostly because I started to feel like I would get ill and it sucked. I felt feverish. My head and limbs ached, my eyes burned and my stomach twisted every now and then. Additionally to that, my ribcage had not gotten any better yet, which made the situation even worse. Well, apart from the fact that I was in a neighbourhood I did not know and from where I would probably not be able to pay my bus ticket back home from. I mean, damn yesterday everything here looked so expensive, even the damn gate to the drive way was probably the worth of my apartment. Twice of it.  
But as always, Corey seemed to read my face like an open book. Maybe he wasn’t able to see beneath the facade I tried to keep up with every breath I made, though I guess he would. If he knew all the things I’ve been through. But still… for the first time it did not feel wrong to open up to someone. At least to a certain point.  
“Dear? You okay?”  
“Sure.” I briefly nodded and watched him shifting closer to me.  
“It’s the withdrawal, right?” he said, lowering his voice.  
Oh. Right. How could I forget this… uh okay, the reason probably sat right beside me. He made me forget the fucking dope which is … something that would have never happened some days ago. Being addicted to that shit makes you crave for it every second. Even if you just had a shot, you just keep thinking about when you can plant the next one. You do not think about which new books or records you can buy from your salary. You do not even think about if you can pay your dinner. That’s a thing you can think about when the time comes. But most likely, you just think about where you will get the next sachet of white salvation and how many you can finance. You are not thinking about money you may or may not have at the end of the month because this is nothing that bothers you. There are more important things. Nah, screw that. There is only one more important thing than everything else. White Salvation. Solution. Escape. Last Resort. Call it what you want, it’s the only thing that can save your mind for some seconds and destroys your body forever at the same time.   
“I guess…” I answered, unsure. Why… how…  
“I went through all this shit myself,” he answered to my thoughts, lifting my chin with his hands.   
“I know how much it sucks. I’ve been at the excact point you are at now. No, I’ve probably been way further down. I mean, god, I overdosed and my friends threw me into a garbage bin ‘cause they thought I’d be dead. They just left me, I woke up… and got clean eventually. Not by myself, I’ve had help from my friends, my grandma… and If you want to, I’ll help you.” He smiled lightly. He then went to the kitchen. The moment he left the room I kind of broke down. My head fell on my palms and I pushed the bones of my inner hand into my eyes until I saw stars. Focus, Kae. Suddenly I felt something ice cold on my cheek and I flinched, but when I looked up Corey held a glass of water, fogged on the outside and small drops trailed down the transparent frame.   
“Drink it slowly, it will help. At least a bit.”  
I nodded and took it from him, sipping on it while he sat down besides me again, gently stroking my hair while doing so.  
“So… how are we gonna do this now?” he asked after a while and I shrugged.  
“I don’t know if I’m honest. I should probably go into rehab… but… I’m scared.” I confessed. I’ve always been a bit scared of strangers and I could never imagine to tell them shit about me, but somewhere deep inside I knew I had to. I really wanted this change. For me as well as for Corey. But how could I trust anybody if I made such bad experiences with them? Even Lia did not know of my problems, and she was one of my best friends. Corey just knew some of them, and that happened by accident so…   
Besides, I would have to face my brother before. I would probably need some clothes and I doubted that I could lend some from Corey. Okay, I could, he would not mind… maybe. But that was not the solution I had in mind. And, additionally to this, I made something up when I woke up. Or maybe it was the moment I decided to get away from the drugs, I do not really know. But still, I really wanted change. And I knew that if I would stay with my brother, I would eventually fall back into this downward spiral, no matter if I had Corey at my side or not. No, I had to move out, afford my own living - somehow - and restart this whole thing called life as far as possible.   
“Well, I do know a good rehab center… but you have to be clean for three days first.” Corey suddenly said and I watched him concernedly.  
“Why…?” I asked, obviously confused but not able to get my thoughts together. He scratched his neck and pierced me with his eyes before he gave me an answer.  
“Well, you can stay here until you can get into this clinic, you just need some clothes I guess…”, he stated and I nodded slowly. He was right. But I could not face my brother on my own, I needed Corey at my side. On the other hand, I did not want Tony to attack him and who knew what he was up to? It felt so risky… especially the part about Corey finding out what my brother was like. And then again… how could I not tell him? He already was my guardian, he had saved me twice in one day. Besides, he was so honest with me and opened up so much, he told me everything I wanted to know about him and never hesitated or thought twice about it… hence… how could I not do the same?


	19. 19

“Okay, you have everything?”, Corey asked and I nodded. Not like I brought any luggage with me last night. I felt so nervous and my hands were shaking slightly when he escorted me out of the door and back to his driveway where his car stood like we had left it the night before. It was a nice day. The sun was shining though some tiny clouds were in the sky, like someone took a brush and dabbed them inside. This day was way too good to destroy it by meeting up with Tony. Hopefully he was not at home, maybe rather on the street, getting more drinks or meeting up with his oh so awesome friends. I sat down in the car and buckled up, folded my hands in my lap just as I did last night and waited for Corey to start the engine. The whole thing felt so wrong. What if Corey never ever wanted to see me again after meeting Tony because he was such a wreck. I mean, I did not know Corey’s family but still. Gosh, could that doubtful questions in my head just stop for a moment, please?   
Corey smiled at me warmly and although I smiled back at him, short and shyly, I felt like I was bursting into tears in the next seconds.   
“Hey, it’s gonna be okay”, he said and gave me another smile. If he only knew. I still could not bear to tell him the truth before and I felt so helpless. At least I was able to convince him that he just drove me there and I would get my stuff alone. Maybe we could avoid Tony then, by just being as silent as possible or something.  
The rest of the drive was quite silent, I kind of navigated us through the streets after Corey drove us into town from where I knew my way… ‘home’. I still hesitated since I did not really want to let Corey see the dilapidated house I was living with, nor the neglected streets or all the meth-heads there. But it seemed like I had no choice. Besides, Corey had been so understanding with the whole drug thing, maybe he would not judge me for living there. I was not sure though. The scenery changed slowly, from big to at least normal sized houses to decayed ones such as fancy, wooden fences turned into dark, rotten fences with holes in it, and small palings and debris from indefinable things were randomly thrown in the front yards. In buckets, once adorned with gorgeous flowers which shone in the brightest colors were only remains of dead leaves and broken plants. All in all it looked eerie in the night and just sad in the now shining daylight. But that is how I knew the city. I had never seen the bright side of life and now, while I saw Corey’s face dropping into a concerned and alerted look, I asked myself what he thought now. Maybe he would kick me out, take back his offer to help me and just keep on living his life. I looked out of the window after giving him some more instructions on where to drive and watched the houses again, not sure if I should say something or not. Was there anything I could say? I felt ashamed for showing him this part of my life. Until now, he just knew me from the diner, where I had always worn neat and fresh clothes and faked smiles on my face. No costumer would have thought of me as the slum girl. I had just been the waitress. And everything could have stayed like that if it would not have been for Corey. By now, he had followed all the instructions given and we arrived in the pretty much not existing driveway of my apartment complex. Again, it was silent in the car and I did not even want to see his face while he was watching the landscape. But after a while, Corey cleared his throat and though it seemed like he swallowed whatever he wanted to say, he suddenly raised his hand from the gear stick and put it over mine protectively. Though I refused to watch him, he just took my hand and pecked it, pulling me over to him slightly. Just enough so I had to look at him. I guess the moment he thought that he had gotten my full attention he decided to finally speak again.  
“That’s why you wanted me to bring you to a motel?”  
I shook my head yes and he groaned.  
“Well, maybe it’s better you have slept in peace for at least one night. Because I at least figure you ain’t able to do this here that often. Doesn’t appear that…” he paused and searched for the right word, “friendly.”  
“Yeah it… it’s different.” I replied quietly and he pulled me into him, leaning over the center console and stroking my cheeks with his hands.  
“I know what kind of people are around… I don’t want you to go in there alone…”  
“Corey…” I shoved him away gently and looked into his eyes. “I lived here for the most part of my live, I know them. It’s okay, I swear.” I tried to reassure him and collected all my strength so I would at least look like I meant it. I did not feel like I could face anybody or anything at all to be honest, but my shaking hands did not really help me right now. Corey looked at me in concern and seemed to think.   
“I still don’t feel well with that… but you are stubborn, hn? You wouldn’t even let me go with you if I’d beg you on my knees,” he suggested and I shrugged while I smiled a little bit.  
“It’s just that I really wanna do this alone. This will be the first step away from this hellhole I’m living in, you know? I want to become my own master and stop sinking in this…shit. So I just feel the need of doing this on my own.”  
“I could never do this for you, and I understand, Kae. But I thought that even if you want to be strong, sometimes everyone needs someone they can rely and lean on. But if you say that you need to do this… okay. Just, remember. I am here, I will wait here. And whatever happens, I’m here for you.” While he said that, he came closer to me and with the end of his little speech that warmed my heart, he planted little pecks on my nose, cheek and eventually my mouth.  
“Okay?” he reassured me and I smiled at him as I felt how my body calmed down and my hands shaked less and less. I nodded, pecking him on the lips, too.  
“You have no idea what you have already done for me, Corey,” I whispered, but before he could give a smartass answer I hopped out of the car and shut the door behind me. I then waved him again and stepped to the front porch of the house. It is not like that front porch was really worth the mentioning. Especially since there were maybe three steps and some planks you could balance on, if you wanted to reach the front door, left. The rest of the so called porch was perforated or brittled. But besides that, the worst part probably was that every inch was full of shards, caused by bottles of beer or Jack which was thrown around by my brother, his friends, their friends or just everybody who thought it was funny. Sometimes Tony would want me to clean up all that shit, but even though I did it looked nearly the same after one day, at the latest one week later. Mostly because of himself.  
Okay, back to business. I opened the door quietly but tried not to look too terrified because I felt Corey’s eyes in my back, and dude how I not wanted him to come after me. At the same time I tried to avoid my brother so I wanted to be quiet and well, the doors in this house echoed so much and the walls were like paper. Literally. Besides, most people here would not get home until late night, at least not the five other people that lived here. That was, in fact, because two of them were prostitutes, the one guy was a stripper and the other two… well you never saw them at all. And I don’t really mind that. Still, that left only me throwing doors and opening windows at day times, so Tony would most likely recognize me instantly.  
As always, while I went to the hallway, there was weird light, caused by the shattered glasses from the skylights. The warden’s room was empty as always, it probably never saw one of those wardens since it was built inside here. For whatever reason. Instead, it was full of waste, old pizza packages, syringes and other things I did not really want to identify. Eventually, I reached my apartment and unlocked the door, still trying to be as silent as possible. I had left open the front door since it had no lock anyway. I was still amazed that our apartment still had one. Or, well, soon-to-be my old apartment. Because I would not come back, not if I can help it. Not hearing a sound after letting myself in, I hushed to my room, pulling out an old trunk in which I brought the few things I have had when we moved in. Forcing myself not to let the memories keep me distracted for too long, I hurried and packed in the most important things. My working clothes, underwear, shirts, pants, my toothbrush and whatsoever I could need. Like my CD’s, since they were the only thing I had left of Mum and Dad. It felt weird to take this step. Everything has ever been so hard and now I just packed my stuff and ran away. I did not feel guilty, do not get me wrong. It is just that when I dragged my case behind me, down the stairs and through the hallway, it felt too easy. I knew that something would happen, but I wasn’t aware of what.   
Shortly before I reached the main door, Corey suddenly appeared in it. Sorrow was readable on his face, but the moment he saw me he smiled and came over to help me.  
“I know I said I’d wait, but it took quite long and I had a weird feeling. I just wanted to check on you,” he smiled and half hugged me while taking my trunk. I hugged him back and just when we reached the porch I heard a voice behind me. It was a cracked voice, hoarse and sleepy, but I recognized it instantly and felt how my hands started to tremble again.  
“Kaelyn. The fuck you think you are doing, you damn bitch?!”  
With that, hell broke loose.


	20. Chapter 20

_It was quite a good day. School was not that hard at the moment, my grades were not too bad either and my friends and I would go to that super fancy beach party in the evening. At least that was what we had planned for the weekend. I was just seventeen but my friend assured me that nobody would even think about asking for our ID's or something. My mum was not that much into the idea of letting me go there, she was so overreacting though. I was young, I wanted to live my life instead of studying the whole day, being caught between books and dust. Dad was not participating in our fight we had in this moment, he just watched us and sipped on his coke. He always did that, trying not to take sides which was quite good. Sometimes._  
"Raymond, would you please tell your daughter that she is way too young to do this?!" My mum encouraged my dad to say something, but he just shrugged.  
"C'mon Sarah. She may not be old enough physically but she is no three year old. And I personally trust her mentality enough not to do any big mistakes," he mumbled while hiding his face behind his bagel, trying to seem so preoccupied at the moment that he would not have to say anything else. Well, he was wrong.  
"RAY! You have to ... oh my gosh, what the hell! Kae, you are just seventeen! You're not even legal!" My mum raised her voice obviously taken aback a bit by my dad. But that would never stop her.  
"So what?" I asked. "All my friends are going!" I argued again and my mum shook her head, massaged her temples and leaned against a chair behind her.  
"Gosh. No. Dammit. You ain't going. Drop it," she said, calmer now but still angry.  
"But Dad, he said -"  
"Whatever he said, you are not. Clear? Good," she replied angrily.  
"Dad, could you please -"  
"I am sorry but if your mum says no it's a no…," he said and shrugged again. With that, he wanted to turn away and my mum went back to cooking. They ignored my attempts of convincing them. They acted as if I was not even in the room. But then, I said something, being caught in my youthful dumbness. Something that I would have to regret later. I kind of felt it, but decided to ignore. It was one of the last things I said to my parents. I loved them, I loved my mum, my dad, and though it was just a damn teenage thing...  
"I hate you. I fucking hate you!"  
I then stormed out of the room and never saw them again.  
  
*

"Kaelyn. The fuck you think you are doing, you damn bitch?!"  
His words echoed through the empty hallway, letting me stiffen from one second to the next. My body froze, my hands started to shake and I was so caught up in my fears that I barely noticed how Corey tensed up as well.  
"I asked something. Answer me, whore." Tony spoke again and with fear taking control of me, knowing of what would happen if I wouldn't, I turned around and lowered my head in a slight bow, trying to speak. But Corey shoved himself protectingly in front of me.  
"Shut your fucking mouth." He stated calmly. Calmly? Okay, no. Maybe his voice was calm but you could hear the tension and anger in it. Or I could at least. It was quite amazing how he did not even give the slightest fuck about who was standing in front of him nor asked any questions. If I was him right now I would probably think that this guy over there was my boyfriend or some shit. But Corey seemed to know that I already fell for him. Or he just claimed me as his.  
"Who do you think you are, dumbass? Some stray Kae picked up at her diner? Go away and mind your own business, freak," my brother insulted him, his eyes glinted sinisterly. Slowly, he took a stair down, his movements reminded me of a feline predator watching his prey. His lips were pressed together in a small line and his whole body signalized me how much he gave on holding back his anger. That would probably not end well. Neither for me, nor Corey, nor Tony. Eventually, Tony reached the end of the stairs and faced us completely. You could still see the insanity in his eyes, even though we stood three feet apart. However, Corey did not take a step back nor did he take one towards my brother. I really wanted to just drag Corey out of here, fleeing from this hell but I was speechless and my lack of the ability to think properly kind of stopped me from doing so.  
"I said shut. Your. Fucking. Mouth," Corey growled under his breath, not impressed by Tony's behavior. He had no idea of what this man could do.  
"Besides, who is this fucker?" he then added, adressing me and kind of ignoring Tony's growl.  
"My brother," I whispered, wimpering frightenedly when said brother took a step towards us.  
"Ya. I'm her brother. And you are just some fuckhead nobody here cares about. Not myself, not my sister. She is just a whore, trying to find someone who spoils her. But I know that it's better for her if she stays with me. Fuck off. And though we both don't seem to like repeating ourselves: Mind your own damn business," my brother said threatening. Corey did not seem to move the slightest while Tony took another step towards the two of us. I on the other hand lowered my head and tried not to cry here and now. I was no whore, I did not want Corey to freaking spoil me. Tony acted like I would do that to men, but how could I plan something so cruel if I had not even planned to meet Corey again. Or to ever let him near me.  
"Shut the hell up, Tony," I whispered, but my voice cracked. Corey gave me a short look over his shoulder but turned his attention back to Tony, maybe trying to figure out his reaction.  
"What was that?" Tony spit and I flinched back.  
"I... I said shut up. You are lying and you know it," I spoke back, gaining a bit confidence just by having Corey at my side. I had never spoken back to my brother before.. He would beat me up, giving me scars and bruises that I tried to avoid whenever I could. Still, I reminded myself of what I had sworn this morning. I wanted change. And as always it was Corey who finally helped me to fully speak up just by grabbing my hand while still standing in front of me protectively.  
"Do you really wanna play that game, Kaelyn? Remember who was the one who brought you back into a normal life?!" Tony spit again, anger rising in his voice obviously. But this time, it was enough. Finally I found the courage to tell the truth to this meth-head. I took two steps towards him, standing in front of Corey now.  
"You have no idea what's good for me and while claiming to be my brother you should act like that! You never did. When Mum and Dad died you found resort in drugs and alcohol. You left a fucking fifteen year old girl on her own, on the streets, losing her mind and giving her drugs as well because 'it would help'. And don't act like I owe you one single thing, Tony! It was ME who dropped out of school to find a job, ME, who worked 3 jobs at a time to even be able to finance this hellhole of a home and it was ME, who brought us from the streets. I should have kicked you out of MY apartment so long ago, but YOU are my brother, yeah! Mum and Dad always said that family should stick together. They were the only reason I did not do it. And the only reason I believed in you at the beginning was that you were my older brother, you should have been the one I could look up to and the one who should have been there. But you are too blind and dumbfolded to even get that, ain't you? You did not do nothing to ever help me! Except you count in being drunk 24/7 and beating the shit out of me," I screamed, gaining more confidence with every word and losing myself more and more in my rage with every second. My words tripped over and my voice pitched higher since I kind of forgot to breathe properly. I did not really know what would come next. Like I said before, it was the very first time I ever spoke back to him. At first, there was silence. Taking a look over my shoulder this time, I watched Corey who pierced me with his eyes, filled with disbelief and shock. Again, I had felt him tense up at my last words and it probably took him much to not break my brother’s jaw, but I shook my head no at him. So, he stayed silent as well.   
My attention turned back to Tony when he did some choking sounds. It seemed like he wanted to reply something but instead, he took some steps towards me rapidly and then I knew what would come next. I had done a big mistake. My brother rushed so fast to me that I could only react in losing all my confidence again, loosening my grip on Corey's hand and lowering my head to the side out of reflexes. He hauled off that fast, I doubted anybody could step in. But I knew the procedure so then, I just waited for the sharp pain that would arise when Tony's hand would collide with my cheek, nose, maybe my eye…   
This was so ironic. I had finally been happy and with someone I really fell for, someone who would not take advantage of me and someone who maybe could love me back some day. This someone was so perfect to me, and now that he had given me the courage to change my life it just ended up the same as always. Just with that, the sound of bones colliding and crashing against bones filled the hallway, echoed through it and filled my head. It was so rapid that I did not feel any pain, just how my head flew back and my whole body seemed to just fly after it like a doll. I totally blocked out the world when the pain finally arrised, filling my eyes with tears and nearly knocked me out. I rolled myself into a melee, hoping to cover all the importnant parts of my body Tony would kick next. And again, I waited for it. Just that his time, I heard a hiss and three steps before that chilling sound of bones breaking appeared again. Did I fall back so far? But this time, nothng happened. Just that this sound appeared again. And again. I opened my eyes puzzledly. Lifting my arms from my face I looked around, seeing Corey and Tony in a mess. Tony was on the floor, Corey hovered over him. Over and over, he hit him in the face. At first I could not be more relieved, but after some seconds my mind processed the situation a bit more. Though I could not care less actually, my sanity told me to do so - because Corey would kill Tony otherwise.  
As fast as it was possible with a pounding head and aches at my nose, a warm stream of blood down my mouth and chin, I got up. I screamed for Corey, but he would not react. Everyhing was so… blurry. Fading.  
“Corey… please…” I did not know what to do, so while I lost my balance, I sank back on my knees, tears dwelling up and finally I gave in. I felt how they streamed down my cheeks and as I looked down they fell to the ground, mixed with my blood. I looked back up, trying to realize anything. But the only thing I saw was that Tony would not move. He stopped screaming, insulting and fighting back. Every time Corey hit him his body just flinched.  
“Corey…” I tried, again.  
And this time, he reacted. Slowly, he sat up, lifted himself from Tony and looked down onto him. He then turned back to me and all his anger and rage disappeared, and a certain softness replaced his raging fire. He ran towards me and helped me up, trying to stop my bleeding, but I shoved him away and went to my brother, leaving Corey behind speechless. When I saw that Tony’s eyes were still open and he breathed, he calmed and stopped to cry immediatly. There was no reason for it. Tony’s eyes locked with mine, and I saw this insanity in them, again. He tried to say something, but instead, he rattled in the throat and spit out some blood. Corey stood besides me instantly, looking down on Tony again.  
“I told you to shut your fucking mouth. But thanks for giving me reason to beat even the last crap out of you,” he growled and spit right beside him.


	21. 21

Corey held out his hand to me but I did not really recognize it. My attention layed upon my brother's chest, watching him breathe slowly. My inner demons battled my good will and it tore apart my inside. In the corner of my eye, I saw how Corey's hand fell down again and as much as I did want him by my side in this moment, I wasn't so sure if I could bare to look him into his piercing eyes. My struggling me did not stop him though, since he wrapped his arms around me seconds later.  
"Come on, Kae. Let's call him an ambulance and bring you somewhere safer. I don't feel good around here... as much as I might have enjoyed this. Don't get that wrong but this fucker hurt you and it seems impossible to me how one can do that, especially if it's happening to someone I love."  
I did not really listen to Corey at first, but by the end of his little speech I felt my eyes shoot open. Did he just admit that he loved me? Or was it just an expression he used?  
On the other hand, Corey seemed to process what he had just said because he started to shift around a bit, but never loosened his grip around my waist. Eventually, while my mind drifted off completely, I did not quite remember how but I ended up sitting in his car again. My head was way too filled up with thoughts about my brother, Corey, my life, my drug thingy and then again, Corey. What did he... oh, nevermind. Let's just pretend I did not hear a thing. The drive was quiet, he probably felt that I needed some time for myself. The only words we exchanged were when he told me he had called an ambulance for Tony. But again - I could not really proceed that.  
Finally, we arrived back at his house, so while I was just waiting for Corey to open his front door like I was in trance, I saw Corey lifting my suitcase out of the car in the corner of my eye. He then let us inside and put the trunk into the hallway.  
"Shall I bring your stuff to the guestroom?" he broke the silence as he always did. Though, this silence did not seem to bother him that much at the moment. Actually, he seemed to be in his own thoughts from time to time. And what should we even talk about? How he defended me from Tony? How he knocked him off? Should I cheer for the fact that he fought against my brother and won? Or should I complain that he not just defended but also saved me from more abuse, though I have never told him of that abuse before? For me, the best thing in this moment was to keep quiet. We had to talk eventually. But not right now. So I just shrugged, not sure where I wanted my stuff. I would only be here for 2 days anyways, I would go to rehab after. That was the deal. And maybe I needed the space anyway.  
“... or you can sleep in my room if you want to,” I heard him say and drew my attention back to him.  
“Oh… uhm… I… I don’t want to constrain you or get on you nerves,” I replied shyly, but all he did was chuckle.   
“Would I have count you as ‘someone I love’ if you would get on my nerves? I don’t think so,” he chuckled and I stared at him, eyes wide open.  
“What? You think I did not know what I’ve told you before? I don’t like to say things without thinking about them before, so stop worrying,” he smiled and stepped towards me, firmly wrapping his arms around me and smiling in the crook of my neck. While hugging him back, a smile spread over my face as well and I mumbled a quiet thanks.  
“You’re hot,” he suddenly said and I was torn away from the inner calm he had given me in the past minute.   
“Wh -”   
“No, I mean, you are ferverish. Hot, like, your body feels too warm. I guess withdrawals are settling in,” he stated and leaned back so he could look at me sternly.  
“Are you feeling alright?”  
“Mostly, yeah,” I smiled at him and hugged him tighter. I just needed his embrance at the moment.  
“Alright. It’s just, I did not feel alright when I was about to get clean. I vomited the shit outta me and had fever, felt as if I’d die and all this coolish perspiration was killing me to be honest. So if you don’t feel alright, just tell me. You can lay down, I’ll make you some tea and we will get through the two days left until you can go to a rehab center. I already arranged a few things by the way, you do have a spot in one of the best around here,” he said calmly and rested his head back on my shoulder after pecking my forehead. Now that he mentioned it I felt a small nausea but it was not that much of a deal. Though, Corey was probably right and I trusted him that his would get worse.  
“Maybe I should lay down and rest a bit, then,” I mumbled into his shoulder and he nodded. But instead of letting me go he just guided me to the bedroom with the hug, not caring that I had to walk backwards the whole time and nearly fell down. Although he would not let that happen, his grip around my waist was way too secure and soon I just let him lead me. Eventually we reached his bedroom and without hesitating he pushed both of us onto it.   
“Let’s make it a stay-in-bed-day, then,” he said and pulled me towards him so I could snuggle up on his chest. I nodded and yawned, but a sudden headache kept me away from falling asleep. Corey got up and disappeared for some minutes, he came back with a few bottles of water, tea, and a sandwhich for both of us. Feeling nausea getting worse I refused to eat a thing, but my throat started to burn as hell and however much I drank it would not get better. When Corey finished up the two sandwhiches he layed back and pulled me towards him again.  
“That’s just the beginning. Damn it, I wish you would not have to get through this…” he said and smiled at me as if it was his fault, giving me a long kiss.  
“Thanks. For being here,” I mumbled and felt how I was beginning to sweat uncontrolledly. And like he said, it got worse. With the cold sweat came an uncontrollable trembling, starting at my hands until my whole body shivered. I rotatory felt cold and warm, felt like I had to empty my stomach by vomiting but nothing but the water or tea I drank would come out of it. It was horrific and just with that I realised what I had actually done to my body. The only two minutes I could calm down was when Corey offered me a cigarette every now and then, but just while I was not hanging over the toilet. All of this was more than far away from ‘fun’ like Tony described the drugs. But it was how my next two days went. Laying in bed, shivering, storming to the toilet, vomiting. Drinking as much as my stomach would let me and eat as few as possible. Corey was at my side all the time though. He layed in bed with me, held me close and did not even care how much I was sweating on him. He helped me to the bathroom while I felt too weak and got me water, made tea whenever I needed some and comforted me as much as possible. Corey even got me some ice to cool down my body. He was the one who encouraged me and though it did feel like I was walking through hell, burning for my sins on the inside, he made me keep going. Eventually, the vomiting stopped. The nausea was still there, but after two days I was able to eat small pieces of dry toast again. The shivers and the weird sentiments of cold and warm disappeared and the headache faded into the background. I felt weird, unknown. But more like me again. And when I told this to Corey, he said it was time to get me to the center so I could work on this and learn how to deal with myself. It sounded good to me. It sounded just wonderful that I could restart everything.   
But well, like I said, Corey was right. He so was. Because it all went worse.


	22. 22

“Kaelyn, how do I look?”  
I turned around in the kitchen to see Corey standing in the entrance, dressed in black jeans and a black tee. Sunlight shone on his ginger hair and lit up his ocean blue eyes which watched me curiously. I started to smile and he did the same while entering the kitchen and pecking my temple.  
“Good. As always,” I shrugged and he chuckled.  
“Are you ready, dear?” he asked and I looked around to see if I had everything I needed. My luggage was waiting for me in the hallway, freshly washed and folded more neatly than I originally threw it inside the trunk. My phone was in my pocket, Corey was my number one emergency contact and all papers were duly completed. I was clean for four days now and it was time to get my life back on track. Hence, my way lead me to the rehab center. It was a bit out of town but surely one of the best, at least that was what Corey had told me. But as before, I trusted him. Besides, I needed this. Not just for me, but for him, so we could restart and have a real relationship. Not just this weird thing we had going on right now. So the answer could not be easier.  
“I guess I’ve never been that ready before,” I figured and Corey pouted, which made me laugh.  
“I see,” he replied still pursing his lips. I smacked his chest and rolled my eyes at him.  
“Shut up, you know what I mean,” I smiled and he nodded, giving me his sweet face before he kissed me.  
“Yeah. So… Hey Ho, Lets Go, Hey Ho, Lets Go  
They're forming in a straight line  
They're goin through a tight wind  
The kids are losing their mind,” he suddenly started to sing and I laughed hard at the expressions he did while rocking the Ramones. That guy was going nuts I guess. Though I loved his voice I could not help but laugh at his dancing skills.  
“What, you think this is funny?” he asked and shot me a concerned look before he smirked mischievously and started to tickle my side.  
“Okay, okay, let’s go, I’m sorry for laughing about your dancing, you are a good one, I swear,” I breathed heavily and tried to swallow the next attack of laughter that nearly run over me. Corey laughed as well but he then pulled me into another hug before we decided that it was time to go.   
We made some jokes and fooled around while driving to the center, but to my surprise Corey held at a small cafe and watched me curiously.   
“Wanna enjoy a coffee with me before we start serious business… or while we do so?” he pleaded and I could not help but agree. It somehow seemed like a good time to sort things out and get clear before we would not see each other for some months. It would probably be good to have time to think about everything. I nodded, unlocked my seatbelt and climbed out of the car, following Corey inside the small coffee bar. We sat down at a wooden table with a colorful jar of candles in the center. They were not lit though, it was in the middle of the day.   
Soon there was a waitress, taking our orders. I was not sure what to take so I let Corey decide for the both of us.  
“Soooo,” I started and he smiled at me light-heartedly.  
“So,” he repeated. “I wanted to talk to you, I guess. You have been through withdrawal and I mean… I don’t excactly know if it is too soon or not, but I guess that when you said that you want to be with me all clean, it meant that I have to get to know the Kaelyn behind those drugs. I am convinced that I learned to like this person, but you… slightly changed though…” he started and I nodded.  
“Yeah… well… you already asked me for my favorite color, which changed to red by the way. So, what do you wanna know.”  
“Everything… but let’s start with your brother… or where your parents are… I mean… I don’t wanna pressure you but, you know,” he tried to explain himself and his stuttering mind.   
“Uhhm… well. That’s kinda…,” I sighed and inhaled deeply. “Okay. Uhm. I was seventeen when I wanted to go to this stupid party. A friend of mine said nobody would control our ID’s and it ended with her getting false one’s for us. Mum and Dad… did not really want me to go there. Okay, it mostly was my mum who refused to let me go out with my friends. But everything was good, my grades were great, mostly A’s and B’s and I was none of those stupid teens doing dumb things. But she was worried, did not allow me to have fun and I was… pissed. As fuck. I mean, it felt like she would not trust me. And dad did not want to take any side so he just ignored our fight. I told them that I’d hate them, stormed into my room and climbed out of the window later the evening. My best friend back then helped me.”  
I smiled to the lovely memoris that suffused my head and remembered the good times before I continued. Corey remained quiet and waited for me to keep on talking.  
“So, we went to this party, enjoyed ourselves a bit too much, danced with older guys,” he smirked at that and I rolled my eyes. “and then the whole thing escalated a bit. It was a rave kinda thing and police found us, everything broke into chaos and additionally my parents were on the verge of losing their minds and searched for me. One of the guys who fled from the police… crashed into them with his car. He was driving all too fast and … they died.”  
I stopped for a second and took a sip from the coffee that the waitress brought by now and Corey still watched me, not willing to say a thing.  
“They did not leave me behind in particular, they are just gone. So… Tony was twenty at the time and he was different. He fought for me to stay with him and took care of me, at least in the beginning. After a while he sank into liquor, drugs followed short after. Some weed at the beginning, just to ‘relax’ as he said. Went worse and worse in time until he was the perfect meth-head. With that there came the aggression. He couldn’t control his temper, blamed me - not without a reason - and said it was my fault that we barely had anything. Well, instead of going to work he drank away his sorrows and soon we lost our parent’s house and every last bit of what was left of them. We were homeless without any relatives, on the street, with nothing to wear and nothing to eat. We slept in empty buildings, fought with animals for food and tried to keep away the rats at night. It was… tough. But it was harder to lose my brother to the drugs and to see him getting eaten away on the inside. I dropped out of school. Simply because I’ve already been the hot topic because of my family and besides, I did not even have books anymore. I turned my back on my friends and eventually found four jobs, worked 67 hours per week and somehow got an apartment in which at least my brother could sleep. I thought it would help him to get clean again but well… he forced me into the same shit so I’d lose even my last grip to reality... with one of his… friends,” I spit out the last word and paused. Could I tell this? Well… it was about time.  
“They… abused me, forced me to take coke and his so called friend did… other things to me…” I slowly explained, seeing how Corey’s body tensed up and his hands clenched around his mug.  
“But that’s not the point. I am over it,” I reassured and shrugged. That’ been more than 8 years ago. I really was over it. It was hard to talk about it, but it did not bother me as much anymore. Not while I was around that idiotic ginger in front of me.   
“So the end of the story is that I shut down just like Tony did, just that he did it rather sooner than later. He probably never considered that I was in just the same situation as him, maybe even worse. I mean, I knew it kinda was my fault and I blamed myself enough for it. He should have been there for me as much as I should have been for him. I guess I lost my whole family at this night, not just my parents… and I created nothing but hell for myself. But that is no explanation for Tony though. He could have helped me, could have tried to make a worthy living for us. I did not mind dropping out of school but handling everything on my own at the age of seventeen… it surely shaped me to the person I am today.” I finished my story and watched how Corey looked into the brown liquid between his hands. I could nearly see his gears grinding in his head. Apart from all the emotions I could see in his eyes he managed to just say: “You are over this shit now, Kae.”  
“Yeah… for now. And I’ll do anything to not fall back there. But what do I do if Tony comes after me or…” He looked at me and I saw that there was something he was holding back from me.  
“What?”  
“I … know some people. And they also know some people and… that’s not the point. The point is that the ambulance we called for Tony found him and they took him to the hospital. The hospital made a tox screen and they found so many drugs that they had to call the cops. They, however, searched the apartment and found so much shit that they took him in for investigative custody. You probably won’t see him for years. He’ll go to jail for at least five,” he explained and locked his eyes with mine. “Sorry for not telling you. I didn’t want to keep it from you, I just wanted you to not think about this stuff at the moment. Sorry.”  
I nodded and shrugged.  
“Don’t worry, Corey. It’s nothing but a relief to hear that. Again, thank you for everything,” I smiled and he threw his sexy smirk back at me.  
“Sounds like a goodbye, stop that.”  
“It kinda is a goodbye, at least for the next three to five months, man,” I laughed and got his napkin into my face when he threw it at me.   
“Shut up, love.”


	23. 23

“Can you promise me something?” I asked shyly and locked eyes with Corey who smiled and kissed my cheek.  
“Always.”  
“Can you promise me to wait for me? I know it might be nearly half a year but still… I .. need to know. I need you to wait for me,” I explained desperately and felt fear rise up. What if, after hearing my shitty story of a life, he did not want me anymore? What if he reconsidered everything and would ignore me from now on? What if he did not mean what he told me before this? I dropped my head and started to tug on my sleeves, anxious for his answer. Instead of saying something, he lifted my chin with his fingers and looked at me lovingly. His eyes were sparkling but had turned a shade darker than normal and though I needed to hear it from him, his answer was simple. His lips crashed on mine and his fingers sunk into my hair. Our lips moved in sync and our eyes closed the moment his soft lips captured mine, deleting all thoughts from my head and filling it with need for this guy. His one hand trailed from me chin to my waist and remained there, playing with the bottom of my shirt, gently stroking over my stomach. I pressed my chest against his and was so caught up that I did not recognize the sheepish cough behind us. Neither did he, but the second time it appeared it hit us and Corey smiled against my mouth.  
“E...Excuse me, miss, but your room is ready,” a small female voice appeared and I sighed but still smiled to Corey. Again, just like so many times before, he hugged me.  
“Take that as a yes, love,” he whispered reassuringly in my ear and send shivers down my spine. It felt like he would not want to let go of me and I hugged him back the same firm way, nodding in response. He then groaned and let go of me after pecking my lips again, sadness in his eyes.  
“I am proud you are going this path and I am standing behind you in every thing and decision you do. But also promise me to come back to me the moment you’ll be out of this,” he smiled and this time it was me who pecked his lips, nearly deepening the kiss but reminding myself where we were.  
“Sure thing, silly.”  
I gave him one more smile and let go of him with stones in my stomach. This was neccessary. I followed the nurse to the elevators and waved Corey before the doors closed, feeling his eyes on me until I was out of sight. I then prepared for the life I would have for the next month and eventually stepped out of said elevator, welcoming my new home.  
*  
It’s been quite a while now. I have been in the rehab center for nearly five months and today was my last day in the small single bedroom I was given. Actually, it was a nice room. Sunlight would shine through the thin curtains in the morning, waking me softly. I have had my own bathroom, clean and neatly. It was painted white though, which reminded me of a hospital. But well, this kind of was a hospital. A hospital for those who could not deal with their problems without taking pills or other drugs. I always knew what it meant to be an addict, but by now I completely realized that I am one of them, but also that I can control what I do to my body. It might have looked like a good solution at the time, but I now see that there are way more important things than getting the next shot. Okay, I knew before. But I really got it now and I think that this here helped a lot. I can live with myself now. And this has been the hard part of my life for way too long. I was pretty doubtful at the beginning, going to group meetings and speaking about my problems in front of other people. By the second or third round though, after I just listened to the others before, I was able to open up a bit. With the help of a professional psychotherapist with whom I talked to alone every second day, it felt easier to get through and handle the shit that was on my mind most of the time, except the hole in my heart because I missed Corey that much. But he kept me going. I was not allowed to have my phone all the time, only one hour per day. I phoned with the ginger most days and he made me laugh and helped me so I did not feel that alone. And I even found some nice people here, people who also wanted to change their lives and needed to be strong. So we became stronger together. At the fourth day or so, I called Lia. I had taken a break from work but ‘to make some progress’, I was even allowed to meet up with her and we talked it through. She was shocked when I told her the address of the center but as I told her the whole story she was glad that I finally found courage to change things. She even told Mr. Green, my chief, after I gave my permission and he was more understandable than he has ever been. He and Lia even helped me to find my own apartment and he reassured that my job would wait for me. Everything went well, really. It was a complete change and especially the first weeks were barely bearable, but I made it with the help of my friends. So now, I was packing my trunk, enjoying the silence in the room and the swish of leaves in the wind outside. Pleasant smell from the shining flowers outside was blown through the window, smells I would not have recognized before. I felt better. More alive. And probably for the first time besides Corey, I was in a stage that was quite close to being happy. Still, there was a long way to go, I knew that. It was not done now, just with being here and being open to the change. I needed to keep up with seeing the brighter sides of life, not just the dark I have lived in for way too long. But that was the plan, wasn’t it?   
The only thing that had really clouded my mind in the past days was, that I could not reach Corey. He did not pick up his phone, did not reply to my messages… I was quite worried, but maybe he was just hanging out with friends.   
After folding my clothes and packing them into the trunk, I went to the bathroom and got my last stuff. It was right then that someone knocked at the door, and seconds later it was my therapist, doctor Lex who appeared in said door.  
“Ready to go?” he asked and I nodded, smiling.  
“So am. Thank you for everything, it’s been a long time you had to deal with me,” I said and he chuckled.  
“Not as if this is my job, you know?” he said in this duh-tone and it was my turn to chuckle at him. He was a nice guy, tall, maybe 45, dark brown hair and thick glasses on the back of his nose which always seemed like they would fall off any second.   
“I guess it’s time though, you can do that. And if you ever need help… well, you know where I’m working. You have got an emergency number and there will always be a spot for you if anything would happen. But although it’s harsh to say - I hope I won’t see you again because as far as I know, you are one of the candidates who really are able to get back on track and live a happy life,” he stated and gave me his warm smile with a hint of proudness in his eyes. I nodded and shrugged.  
“Yeah, it might be harsh and impolite but you are right, I actually don’t wanna see you again, to be honest,” I replied and he held out his hand for me and I shook it.  
“It was nice to meet you, though the circumstances weren’t the best, huh? I only wish the best for you from now on. Oh, and by the way - go get your guy,” he winked and with that, he was gone. I still smiled and zipped up the trunk. I then pulled it off the bed I had slept in for the last months and looked around the room, checking if I packed in everything. I aimed for the door and switched off the light, not before giving the room one last glance. This has been the beginning of my new life and now I would start completely fresh.


	24. 24 // Epilogue

I gave Corey’s address to the cab driver and sat down in the passenger seat. I had brought my stuff to my new apartment in town and after signing every papers and contracts that were neccessary I had decided that if Corey would not reply to me I would just drive to his place. His fault that I knew where he lived. The cab driver was a weird but nice guy, we chit chatted a bit until I saw Corey’s driveway and his house appeared in my view soon after. I payed the driver, tipped him and went out of the car. I had to in- and exhale deeply. Being nervous wasn’t my normal self but after not seeing Corey for so long I was excited and my heart beat way too fast, my chest felt like it would explode any second. Though, there was no bad feeling, every fibre in my body was tensed up and my stomach turned.  
I followed up the gravel which crunched under my feet like it did months ago. After some seconds of collecting myself I found the courage to ring the doorbell. I heard some muffled voices inside the house and a loud bang, like somebody tripped over something. But finally, the door opened. A picture of a smiling Corey flashed in front of my eyes and a smile spread over my face. But as soon as it appeared, it faltered.  
There was no Corey in front of me. It was a girl. Tall, brown tan, blonde hair, big belly and blue eyes. Shocked, I stared at her frame.  
“What do you want?” she snorted and looked down on me.  
“I… I uhm…”  
“Are you a fan?”  
I watched her confusedly, still shocked. Everything started to spin and nausea caught me.  
“I just… wanted to… is this the right addr -” I stammered but was interrupted by a hoarse, male voice from insde the house.  
“Who’s there?”  
“Just some girl,” the woman in front of me yelled back inside and turned to me, observing curiously.  
“Listen, if you are one of - “ she was interrupted when this male voice came nearer.  
“Babe, c’mon, dinner’s rea -” This time it was him who was interrupted when he went around the corner and positioned himself a meter behind that girl. Shock crossed his face as his words stuck in his throat.  
Small but muscular, tattooed, red hair and ocean blue eyes.  
Corey.

*THE END*  
I hope nobody wants to kill me for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K so I just realized that I never really updated the story here.. sorryyy xD  
> Anyways, I am frequently writing on the sequel which I am updating on Wattpad ( where I actually did remember to update lol) and maybe when it's finished I will just add it to this story here and just mark it as the Sequel, not sure yet. Maybe I'll do it as a whole new Story... we'll see o_o  
> Hope you enjoyed the Story and uhhm... don't kill me xD  
> Thanks for reading btw !!


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